Mama Knows It All

Can A Sister Have Her Magic? - A Public Service Announcement

2012-01-26T12:39:00.007-05:00

As a blogger, whenever I check my email, it's something like opening Pandora's Box. Once I click on that "Read Email" link, I have no clue what I'm going to find. Press releases, updates from my favorite blogs and websites, daily coupon deals...you know, the usual. Every once in awhile, there's something really, really cool, like the days that my book club announces book sign ups...yup, real gangster stuff. On Tuesday, though, there was something different than I had received before. I found what some have called the Golden Ticket...a special invite to a magical event* celebrating "social media minded moms and dads"!

Oh my goodness, talk about excited! First of all, that I am considered "social media minded", and secondly, just keeping it real, that I even had the money to pay the fee to participate in this invitation only conference. After I registered, I was still in the clouds when I shared my good fortune with twitter and checked the hashtag in an effort to start building community with my fellow celebration goers ('cause that's what social media minded folks do). I was kind of shocked to find, mixed in with tweets of delight...bloggers hatin'.

Yes, it's true. All up and through the hashtag timeline there was some good old fashion hatin' going on. Now, I get being jealous or sad, those are emotions that everyone can relate to, but accusatory and offensive, that's not cool. And totally unneccesary for a conference about social media. Look, I respect the blog as much as the next gal, love what being a writer has added to my life, but, seriously, can you get irate about something that matters? And besides that, you're putting a damper on my magic moment! Dang, can't a single mama (yup, totally pulling that card) have a wee bit of joy in her sad (not really), pitiful (just being dramatic) life? I mean, the odds that I'd get the invite to the conference and be able to pay for my registration...yeah, y'all haters were kind of like a buzz kill.

Here's the crazy part, though, some of the more disgruntled tweeters were completely off base with the reason for their dissatisfaction. They were making assumptions, tweeting them out, and they were just plain wrong. Folks were mad because they had blogs completely dedicated to the host, and they felt like they should have made the list. Well, the event isn't focused on the host...it's focused on its attendees. We are their guests, so it doesn't matter if we write about cupcakes or donkeys, they invited us there to inspire us to take our work to the next level.

The other assumption is that there was some sort of "list", and questions about how did one get on said "list". Well, I don't know what the list is, but it must not have been the same one that "they" used for all of the other blogger events across the country, because I totally never get invited anywhere! Look, I love attending events, love connecting with other bloggers and learning more about the business and technical side of blogging and social media, but I don't write to get invites. I write because it's what I do. It's what I enjoy doing, and it's one of the few things that I'm willing to devote precious time away from my beloved daughter to work on. And I do work on it! I've written hundreds of posts in nearly 2 years on various topics, started vlogging, am constantly practicing both my presentation and my editing, designed my own header, did a makeover on my site, make the time to build community with other bloggers, and I'm a single mom (yes, again.) So, I guess, if there is a list, it's the "Yo, This Sista Puts In Work" list.

I'm going to leave you all with a tip, since I'm so social media minded (you already know). If you want to be invited, ever, to an exclusive event that is focused on social media, you might want to start being social. Check your twitter timeline. Is it filled with retweets, links to your posts and you pontificating to yourself? How many @s do you have? Are you engaging with people, or are you just collecting numbers? While I may not have as much time as I'd like to be online, single mom and all (last one, I promise), I try to make an effort to make sure I'm checking in with my peeps, reading what they write, supporting, and encouraging them in the same way that I'd like to be read, supported and encouraged.

And, on the real, it's just not nice to clog a hashtag timeline with your negativity. If you feel that you were slighted, you have the right to share that. If you want to talk about how unfair the process is, that, too, is your right. But, do you really have to make people feel uncomfortable about sharing their good news just because you didn't get the same news?

Maybe I'm just different. I don't know, I like seeing positive things happen to people. I like seeing people succeed. I like seeing people happy. I believe that there are enough opportunities, events, jobs, internet for everyone who wants a piece. Instead of spending my time focusing on what I don't have, or what I didn't get, I'll keep my eyes on the real prize that I get from social media. The ability to connect and learn and build with interesting, creative people all over the world.

At least y'all haters can't take the magic out of that.

*I decided not to name the event because I don't want this post to come up if someone should do a search for it. The conference is a celebration, and now that I got this off my chest, I'm going to soak in the excitement of being invited to a conference at the happiest place in the world!

How Do I Wear This...Tunic/Shirt/Thing?

2012-01-25T00:00:00.000-05:00

When it comes to my style, I'm trying, y'all. I'm really, really trying. I've cleaned out my closets, gotten rid of shoes and boots that were run down and tore up, and repurposed some old, raggedy tee-shirts into towels and rags. I've even gone out and bought some new items to update my wardrobe. Because I'm ~~as cheap as they come~~ frugal, I've purchased a few things on sale that I'm not sure how to wear, and I've also discovered some things that might be cute in my closet...but I'm not sure. So, here's what I'm going to do. Every Wednesday, I'll post a picture of myself wearing something that could potentially look good, but I just need some advice from y'all on how to wear it.

This week, I have this shirt...or tunic...or something, that I purchased a few weeks ago from Macy's. I love the color (coral), and the sparkly sparkles on the front. I'm just wondering, how do I make this not look like a maternity shirt? Help! How do I wear this???

Snow Day- A Haiku

2012-01-24T18:17:00.004-05:00

Bundled up baby

Runny nose and tons of clothes

Snow days are such fun!

Next Time, I'll Pick Up (Maybe)

2012-01-20T13:56:00.005-05:00

I don't mean any harm by it. Really, I don't. When I see you calling, I want to pick up. Okay, maybe I don't want to pick up, but that doesn't mean I don't love you. It's just that, you see, I'm an introvert. Always have been. While I do enjoy talking and spending time with others, I really enjoy, really need, my time alone. And, as a single mom with a toddler, there isn't a lot of me time to be had, so after Ayva gets to bed, when many folks are gearing up to chat with their friends, I have to take time to be by myself. I'm not talking about the fairytale "mom moments" with me in a bubble bath drinking champagne, either. I just mean sitting and thinking. Or watching television and thinking. Or reading and thinking. Alone.

That's just how I roll. I'm an internal gal.

It'd all be so easy if folks could just read my mind. Lots of decisions get worked out in there, the debriefing of my days, the reflections, the brainstorming, the emotions...it's all in there. Or on the multiple scraps of paper, napkins or notebooks where I put my stuff when I can't keep it in anymore. It's how I process my stuff. Some people like to talk things through, detail by detail. Others like to have an ongoing supporter to bounce ideas of off. There are even a few folks who won't speak a word until they are able to get someone else to cosign their thoughts.

Don't judge me, I won't judge you.

There have been plenty of times when I tried to explain my introversion. I would apologize for it, feel bad that I wasn't a big time social butterfly...especially since people really expected me to be that way. Getting older, however, I realized that there was a way to be true to who I am, and still have friends. The first step was recognizing that being an introvert doesn't let me off the hook of being a good friend. Last year, I worked with someone who was trying to be my friend. Funny and outgoing, I liked her very much. One day, right when I was about to not answer her phone call, I thought, let me pick up before she stops trying! I was honest with her about bieng introverted and how I feel about talking on the telephone and that I'd love to hang out with her...just not all of the time. She laughed, told me she already knew how I was, and she is now one of my very best friends. There are times when I sit on the telephone having amazing conversations with her for an hour at a time because that is what she needs as a friend, and other times, she'll text me a funny anecdote instead of calling because that's what I need as a friend. We have an understanding.

Even though I like being alone, that doesn't mean I like being lonely.

Being in a long distance relationships, however, ~~some~~ most of my introvert traits can get in the way. Fortunately, my boyfriend, like my friends, is very understanding. He's very patient with me, and because he isn't pushing or judging, I'm trying. I'm really, really trying. And he's reminding me that communication, externally, with others, is what helps us to get to know each other better, and even an introvert can broaden her horizons if she just picks up the phone.

Are you an introvert or extrovert?.Author Susan Cain explores how introverts can be powerful in a world where being an extrovert is highly valued. Join From Left to Write on January 19 as we discuss Quiet: The Power of Introverts by Susan Cain. We'll also be chatting live with Susan Cain at 9PM Eastern on January 26. As a member of From Left to Write, I received a copy of the book. All opinions are my own.

Packing Healthy Snacks with Champions for Kids

2012-01-20T12:36:00.007-05:00

One of my biggest parenting fears would be that I would be unable to provide for my daughter. I don't mean the wants, fancy sneakers or big screen televisions, I'm talking about the things that she needs. Things like shelter, warm clothing, healthy food to eat. There are many children whose parents are living my fear, and are having a tough time being able to provide nutritious meals for their family. Here in Philadelphia, Ayva's daycare is located in an area that has the 4th highest rate of food hardship in the nation. That means, some of Ayva's friends are only eating healthy when they are at daycare.

This month, I took part in the Champions for Kids Simple Service Project sponsored by Abbott Nutrition, which was to create a nutritious snack pack. I explained to Ayva that we were going to buy good snacks so that none of her friends had to be hungry, and when we went to Walmart, she pointed out food she thought kids would like and said, "That would be a good snack for my friends!" We were able to buy lots of snacks, including things like applesauce and Pediasure, that the teachers could keep in their classroom to supplement any meals for kids who need a few extra nutrients.

When we delivered the Snack Pack to the daycare, the teachers were very grateful because they care so much about the children, and they often purchase items from their own money. Ayva was so happy to be able to help her friends out and has been asking to go shopping for her friends again!

Participating in the Champions for Kids Simple Service Projects has been such a blessing to my family. I love being able to do for others, even as a single mom on a budge, and I love that Ayva is learning how to be be a blessing to others. Follow #AbbottCFK on Twitter, or check out the Champions for Kids website so that you can learn more about the simple service projects for the rest of the year, and to see how you can get involved!

*Disclosure - This post was compensated as part of a social shopper's insight study for Collective Bias (#CBias) All opinions are my own.

Limbo - A Haiku

2012-01-17T12:55:00.003-05:00

This isn't easy
Not quite here, yet not quite there
I'm stuck in limbo

Not Comfortable Being Comfortable - #PeaceUp

2012-01-15T17:33:00.006-05:00

My schedule is filled with meetings. On any given 40 hour work week, I'm in meetings for at least 15 hours. Fifteen long, hard, laborious hours. Working for a large non-profit that serves thousands of youth a year, it takes a lot to get things together and make sure everyone is on the same page. We have to have meetings about staffing, meetings about curriculum, planning meetings, committee meetings, meetings about meetings. There's always something to talk about.

I've been at the organization for nearly 7 years, and a couple of years ago, I kind of lost my fire for a bit. I was feeling undervalued and felt that my voice wasn't being heard and I wasn't able to make the kind of contribution that I wanted to because of that. Anytime I brought up a point in a meeting, I was patronized or made to feel like I was being combative. Yeah, I was "that bitch". The thing is, I wasn't trying to be argumentative. I was just addressing things that would be detrimental to our children, but would cause extra work for someone.

I got tired of fighting, so I just stopped. Our meetings went much smoother. People started being nicer to me because I wasn't calling out their B.S. Things were going great. Except for the fact that I had given up. And I knew that there were instances where the children we were serving could have more, but they didn't, because I didn't say anything. I was exhausted and I was trying not to care anymore.

But I did care. And I knew that me feeling comfortable in meetings wasn't good. It wasn't helpful. It wasn't serving anyone, and every time I walked into one of the failing Philadelphia schools, I knew that if I had to be uncomfortable, so be it. There was work to be done. Justice to be served. I wasn't comfortable being comfortable.

So, I'm back to being "that bitch". Back to acknowledging where we are falling short, back to work. For our schools, for our community, for our children. Happy MLK Day!

What's your MLK story? Link up to the 2nd Annual MLK Day Peace Up Link Up and share what your role is in ensuring justice in your world.

Michelle Obama is Not Angry.

2012-01-13T16:48:00.004-05:00

Michelle Obama and I have a lot in common. Okay, so she's married to the leader of the Western world and I'm not, but other than that, we totally are alike. Every since America first became introduced to Michelle, she has shown that she didn't take any mess. Shoot, even Barack knows better than to play with Michelle.

She is no joke.

Her family, her values...she is very transparent about what she believes, and she stands, completely committed, to those things. If that makes her angry, then I guess I'm angry, too. You know, it's easy to forget that people in the public eye are actually human, and it's even more challenging when they're in a position like the President and the First Lady. Even little old me, in the role that I play in the organization that I work for, have been called "blunt" and "aggressive" because I speak firmly and matter of factly about things that I know to be true. I'm working towards an important mission, serving poor children, so often, there is no time for niceties. Basically, we just need to cut the b.s. and get it done.

It's unfortunate that women can't be allowed to conduct business in a straightforward way without being labeled a bitch or "angry". We shouldn't have to keep bowls of candy on our desk at work and speak in soft tones so folks don't get offended by us. Seriously, the men don't do it.

So, Michelle, if you're reading this (which you're not), just know that I have your back. I don't think you have to bake cookies and knit sweaters for your staff. As long as you are treating them with respect, I don't think y'all have to be friends. Shoot, if I ever come work for you, we don't have to be friends.

But I'm sure we would be.

Co-Ed Sleepovers? I'm Not Having It.

2012-01-11T14:08:00.007-05:00

When I was in high school, one of my classmates was well-known and popular becaue of her co-ed, Saturday night sleepovers. All of the "cool" kids would go and spend the night, and on Monday, the halls were buzzing with news of who got drunk and who hooked up with who.

I wasn't cool.

My parents were having none of that. At the time, I totally resented the way that they were blocking my fun. Now, looking back, I get it. I wasn't mature enough to handle some of the situations that present themselves when teenagers are drinking and flirting and alone together. Sure, I knew how I should handle those situations. I just don't know that I would have handled them. Peer pressure is crazy, and I wasn't even the follower type!

So, will I let Ayva go to overnight parties with boys? I want to say definitively "no", but I'm not really sure. One thing I do know for sure is that I'm going to teach Ayva that she is special, and that sex is special, and that it is even more special and meaningful when you are in a committed, loving relationship. I'm going to build her confidence so that she can be strong enough to be okay with not doing what the "cool" kids are doing.

And if all else fails, I'll keep her so busy with tumbling, piano, cheerleading, basketball, Science Club, field hockey and the school play that she'll be so tired to even want to go to parties.

Just kidding. Kind of.

Check out this new episode of "The Conversation Thread" on iVillage and let me know if you would let your child attend a co-ed sleepover! Join our conversation on Twitter tomorrow night, Thursday 1/12 at 9:00 PM EST (#convothread) and share your thoughts! Make sure you RSVP at Parenting By Dummies so you can win 1 of 4 $50 gift cards!

Sh*t Mom Bloggers Say

2012-01-11T12:07:00.005-05:00

It's time to face the facts. If you're a mom, and you're a blogger, chances are, you've driven your family bananas with your "bloggerisms". Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. Making your kids pose for pictures for everything...and even staging pictures because it would go well with one of your posts. Talking your significant other to death about SEO, monetization and analytics (huh?). Crowding your closets with swag from blogger events. Tweeting a pic of your plate from a romantic dinner.

Umm, hmm. You know you're guilty! Don't worry. We've all been there!

I'm just having a little fun, because, you know, in reality, being a mom blogger isn't all swag and chit chatting on Twitter. It's brave women, sharing personal stories about issues that are important to families. It's smart women learning more than a university could ever teach about writing, design, marketing and social media, and creating a living for themselves. It's sharing women, building community, and making the world a lot less lonely and a lot more inclusive and understanding.

Yeah, mom bloggers are the bomb. But, we do say some funny sh*t! Haha! Enjoy!

January Simple Service Project with Champions for Kids

2012-01-10T16:11:00.000-05:00

Every couple of weeks I do a "big" grocery shop. I go through the store circulars, cut coupons, and make a plan for the food that I'm going to purchase for my family to eat. Once at the market, I walk up and down the aisles, not only looking for deals, but reading labels, trying to find the most nutritious, affordable options of food. It's time consuming, and really not much fun, but each week that I do my big shop, I realize how blessed I am to be able to provide healthy meals for my daughter.

Many children in our country aren't so blessed. Many children in my own daughter's daycare aren't so blessed. According to a report released last year by the Food Research and Action Center, Philadelphia's First Congressional District, which included the neighborhood where Ayva's daycare is located, ranks fourth highest for food hardship in the nation. It's heartbreaking, and I'm going to do something about it.

This month, I'm creating an Abbott Nutrition Snack Pack as a Simple Service Project hosted by Champions for Kids. My family and I are going to create a huge, healthy snack basket for the children at Ayva's daycare center. The teachers often use their own money to buy food for the kids to supplement the government provided lunch and snacks that they receive. Many times, the provided meal isn't appetizing, or the snack is not nutritious at all. A snack basket would provide some relief for the teacher's budget, and also ensure that the children are at least getting some whole grains and fruit in their diets.

If you'd like to get involved in this month's Champions for Kids Simple Service Project by creating an Abbott Nutrition Snack Pack, check out the site for more information, and to get some ideas on what sort of things you can do to help combat childhood hunger. You can also join the twitter party on January 19th at 9 PM EST. Just follow the hashtag #AbbottCFK.

*Disclosure - This post has been compensated as part of a social shoppers insight study for Collective Bias (#CBias). All opinions are my own.

Transforming - A Haiku

2012-01-10T12:38:00.004-05:00

This is bittersweet.
Right before my very eyes,
You are transforming.

MLK Day 2nd Annual Peace Up, Link Up!

2012-01-09T11:45:00.005-05:00

Next Monday is the day that folks all over the country will be celebrating the legacy of Civil Rights leader, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. His commitment to civil rights, to human rights, was so strong that he was willing to serve in the war against peace and love, and ended up giving his life for the cause. His work is not done.

Everyday, in the work that I do at a non-profit that provides educational services to children and families living in poverty, I fight. I fight to counter a school system that seems designed to fail the children. I fight to counter the elements of the neighborhood, drugs and abandoned buildings and overwhelming bleakness. I fight to counter the lack of esteem that plague our children, and sometimes their parents, and that sometimes threatens to seep into my "not that unpoor" being. Most of all, I fight for peace.

Just because there are schools in the neighborhood, it doesn't mean that they are good for our children. Just because there are stores in our community, doesn't mean what they are selling is good for our families. Just because there is no civil unrest, there doesn't mean that there is peace. It doesn't mean that our children are flourishing, that families are growing and learning. All might seem well, but that doesn't mean that all is, indeed, well.

For this year's Peace Up, Link Up, I'd like to invite you all to write a post (or a poem, record a vlog, make a craft) on Monday, January 16th that shares what you believe defines peace based on the following quote by Dr. King:

"True peace is not merely the absence of tension. It is the presence of justice."

Grab the button below, come back on Monday, January 16th and link up! You can share your posts, and read others by following the hashtag #peaceup on twitter. Let's keep Dr. King's dream going by spreading peace!

My Life Outside of Blogging

2012-01-08T11:39:00.004-05:00

I love blogging, but I also have a life outside of blogging. Writing new posts every single day would be amazing, but there's a few other things going on that make that goal a bit difficult. My brain is a bit fried today, so I won't be posting. Here's why my brain is fried:

- Trying to find a preschool for Ayva next September. And finding out that for many of the good ones, I'm already too late.

- Looking for a new job so that I can afford the preschool that I can't find.

- Cleaning the clutter from my house. One piece of paper at a time.

- Trying to complete some of the plays that I found while decluttering.

- Playing Candyland with Ayva.

- Soaking in the amazing weather that we've been blessed with.

I'll be back tomorrow. Today, I'm going to play.

What else are you doing besides blogging? Link up with The Aums anytime you need a break!

Will You Take the Brave Woman Pledge?

2012-01-06T12:21:00.004-05:00

The holidays are over, and in most homes, folks are settling in to get cozy for the winter until the spring. Unfortunately, there are some women who can't get settled. They can't get cozy. Domestic violence permeates their peace and makes home anything but a place they'd like to be stuck in for long, cold winter.

They're not alone, though. Brave Woman is a movement that was created to change the way people think about domestic violence...and those who are impacted by it. Ready with resources and opportunities to support, Brave Woman offers a safe place for victims, survivors, and supporters to come together and take action against domestic violence.

I took the Brave Woman pledge for 2012. I'm committed to taking a stand for human dignity and against physical and emotional violence. Please check out the Brave Woman site and consider taking the pledge with me. For more information on the Brave Woman movement, take a look at the site, Facebook, YouTube channel, or follow the conversation on Twitter.

Be Brave in 2012, and hopefully, together, we can encourage other women to be brave as well. In some cases, their lives might depend on it.

*Disclosure - This shop has been compensated as part of a social shopper's insight study by Collective Bias (#CBias). All opinions are my own.

Crazy No More

2012-01-05T17:31:00.003-05:00

Professor Ayva

Even before Ayva was born, she was a master teacher. I learned so much about myself, what I would stand for, how strong I could be, while I was pregnant with her. After she got here, her lessons continued, and I was continually amazed at the things that she taught me. For example, one could indeed make a dollar out of fifteen cents, and functioning without sleep was absolutely possible. Also, there was more about strength. Lots and lots of lessons about strength.

Now that she's older and able to articulate herself, the things that Ayva is able to "instruct" me on are less abstract and more literal. "Kids have to kiss their moms", "Everybody has to brush their teeth", "Big girls pee in the potty". All the stuff that I couldn't possibly know. In between these little tidbits of toddler wisdom, however, comes a lesson so humbling that I am left marveling at the miracle that is a 2 and 1/2 year old.

Last night, feeling super tense and a overwhelmed, I was snapping and barking orders left and right. "Get in the bathroom!" "Put that away!" "Lay in the bed!". The whole time that I'm witching, a voice in my head is telling me to stop, chill out, stop spazzing out on Ayva because she is not the reason that I was feeling like I was feeling. Finally, the voice won, I took a deep breath, and was able to relax. I hugged Ayva up and apologized for yelling. And then, trying to find an excuse for my bad behavior, I said, "Sometimes you make me crazy. And I know I make you crazy, too, right?". She shook her head no. I said, "I don't? How do I make you feel?". She said, "You make me feel better."

Wow.

I just...I just...

Speechless.

She was right. I don't make her crazy, I make her feel better when she's feeling crazy. And she makes me feel better all of the time, too. When I'm having a bad day at work, sometimes, I walk down to her class to peep in her window to see her smile. She doesn't make me crazy...I'm choosing to be crazy by not taking care of myself and allowing myself to get burnt out.

Hmm. Maybe I'm the crazy one.

So, Professor Ayva, with her sweet little braids and flower pajamas, in one sentence, was able to teach me the power of words, and the importance of taking care of me in order to take care of her. No more crazy talk. No more yelling. I'm dropping that course and taking a class in respect and awareness.

It's a lesson that I'm not going to forget.

Time to Finish

2012-01-04T14:23:00.004-05:00

Don't you just love when you have a great idea for a project? Maybe it's an idea for a post, or a cool craft. It might be a DIY project or, heck, if you're me, it might be the grand idea that you will wear "grown-up" clothes everyday for a week. At the beginning, you're pumped. You pull out everything you need to execute your idea. You let people know about it. You post about your idea on Facebook and Twitter. This project is going to be your breakthrough project! This year is going to be your year...all because of this one idea!

And then, the first week is over. The first chapter of your opus novel is written. The handmade, organic lotion you made doesn't smell quite so sweet, and folks are asking when you're going to bake more bread. But you can't finish. Not right now anyway. You don't have the time. Your child needs you. Your partner needs you. Life needs you. You take all of the tools that you bought (Cricut, waffle maker, super special writer's notebook, whatever) and put them away until you have enough time to pick them up and finish what you've started.

I think you know where I'm going here.

Yesterday, when I was mulling over ways to be innovative, I realized that I already have a head start. I went through my "Needs To Be Finished" files, neatly labeled file folders that hold my unfinished plays, poems, and articles, and started looking at what I'd created. I was blown away. Like, really. There was one poem there, that, had my name not been on it, I wouldn't believe that I had written! There was a play in there, melodic and sensual, that, although I hadn't forgot about it, I did forget how good it was!

I'm a writer, y'all. And a good one! And so, I did what any normal writer would do when they realize that they have talent. I started beating myself up. "I never finish anything". "Maybe this is just supposed to be a hobby." "No one will want to read this when it's done anyway."

Then I stopped. Because I was wrong. I mean, look at this blog. Over 400 posts. Hundreds of thoughful comments. My life, my love, my passion on display. And no, it's not "finished", but I'm doing it. I make the time for it.

I took 3 of my unfinished pieces out of the folders that hide them away, and hung them up so that I can see them and remember to work on them everyday. I'm a writer, y'all. A good one. And it's time to finish some of what I started.

Do you have anything that you have started that you need/want/will complete? What is it?

Why I Am

2012-01-03T16:19:00.002-05:00

A life to live for
And a life to live up to
They are why I am.

Let's Innovate Up In Here!

2012-01-03T15:04:00.006-05:00

Here's something you may not know about me. I'm a serial entrepreneur. When I was in high school, I sold cupcakes for $0.50 apiece and made $12/day. Not specialty cupcakes, mind you. Just your regular, everyday, out of the box, add an egg type deals. And they sold like hotcakes. Or, you know, cupcakes. When I got to college, I sold baby doll tees with "FSU Cutie" printed on them. Baby doll as in, flat bellied co-ed, not actual babydolls. I made a few hundred dollars off of that venture.

Then, a few years ago, I co-produced a couple of children's plays that I wrote. "The Ugly Princess" enjoyed 2 seperate runs, the first as part of a citywide theatre fest, and the second, a remounting during Black History Month. When I was pregnant with Ayva, I produced another play that I wrote, "The Ugly Princess' Christmas Extravaganza" that had a sold out 2 show run.

I love entrepreneurship. I read books on starting businesses for fun. I completed a young entrepreneurs program a few years ago, and even have a certificate to prove it! The only thing is, over the years, my focus has been a bit...elsewhere. Not to use being a mom as an excuse, but, you know, I haven't had the mental energy to think about managing my own endeavors. I've fallen into a routine where I don't necessarily think in terms of being an entrepreneur, or, creating opportunities in order to better my life and the lives of others. Instead, I'm thinking like an employee..."I hope "The Man" can help me reach my goals.

Well, enough of that. Maybe it was my 3 week vacation of working for "The Man", maybe it is the circle of amazing women that are surrounding and motivating me, I don't really know. All I know is I'm baaaackkkkk! I'm back, and I'm ready to innovate.

That's right, innovate. That's my word for the year. My friend, Hillary at My Scraps doesn't make a whole list of resolutions. She chooses one word to focus on for the year that helps to guide what she does. I have decided that innovate is my word.

Innovation is about creating. It's about introducing new ideas, developing new ways of doing things, thinking outside of the box, starting stuff. And that's what I'm going to be doing this year.

What about you? What's your word?

Better Blogging (On A Budget!)

2011-12-30T11:12:00.003-05:00

The new year is a couple of days away, and I know that we all have blog goals that we hope to accomplish this upcoming year. 2011 was full of cool blogging accomplishments for me, and I want to share how I was able to have a better blog...on a budget!

1. Purchase your own domain.

You've heard this time and time again. It is so true. Even if your blog is hosted on a free site (like Blogger, Tumblr or Wordpress.com), you can still give your blog a more professional air by buying your own domain and linking it to your site. So instead of telling folks that your site is "www.hotmamacutscoupons.blogspot.com", you can just tell them to go to hotmamacutscoupons.com. You can purchase your domain for about $10/ year from Go Daddy...and lots of times even cheaper. I purchased a bunch of domains for 99 cents each a few months ago. Just Google "cheap domain names".

2. Design your own site.

Yes, it really can be done, even if you didn't go to school for graphic design. I redesigned this site using Picnik, a super easy photo editing program, and Google. I searched, "How to make my own blog header" and "How to make custom social media buttons". And it turned out pretty good (if I should say so myself). I did purchase Picnik Premium, which, at $24.95/year is a steal, but you can use the free version, too.

3. Read the right books.

Don't go broke buying every social media book out there in an effort to try to figure out what you need to do to be a better blogger. Just buy two. The Digital Mom Handbook by Audrey McClelland and Colleen Padilla, and Mom, Incorporated by Aliza Sherman and Danielle Smith come highly recommended by yours truly, and give you tons of bang for your buck.

4. Utilize free social media tools/sites to enhance your posts.

There are a lot of free sites that can help you to add a little extra uumph to your blog posts. From creating outfits on Polyvore to add to a fashion post, or linking to a photo album on Google+, a lot of times, you can add new dimension to your blog by learning (and using) some of the cool social media tools that are out there!

5. Get a good phone.

Don't have money for a new camera? Consider trading in your phone for a good smartphone that can multitask. Even if the iPhone is out of your budget, a phone like the Samsung Galaxy Indulge is a good option for picture taking, posting on the go, and doing all of your social media stuff. Couple it with an inexpensive, all exclusive monthly plan from MetroPCS, and you're good to go. I was able to test out the Samsung Galaxy Indulge with service from MetroPCS, and honestly, it put my service to shame. While my regular smartphone (with a 2 year contract) was still loading, I was already looking at videos on Youtube with the Indulge.

6. Don't covet other blog's stuff. At least, try not to.

The best way to blog better on a budget is to do what works for you. You might look at a site that has a billion beautiful bells and whistles, is obviously professionally designed, and feel jealous. Don't. You don't have to have a blog that is like anyone else's in order for it to be a good blog. If you can't afford to purchase your own domain, or get a photo editing program, or a great phone...focus on being the best writer, the best storyteller, you can be. Seriously, that is most important. The other stuff will come.

What are some of your plans for your blog this year? Need any support getting there? Let me know...maybe I can help!

Old Navy Bundle Up Bash (or, No More Mom Jeans)

2011-12-28T11:33:00.010-05:00

As some of you may know, I've been struggling for a bit with my fashion sense. As in, I don't really have any. Well, I decided a couple of months ago, when I was going through my "wardrobe" wishing that biker shorts were still in style...because I have so many pairs of them, that it was time to step my clothing game up. I mean, look, I might be a mom, but I'm still a woman. And I'm still (fairly) young. And I have a good butt. So, I made a declaration...no more "mom" jeans.

Fortunately, I got the opportunity to host a Bundle Up Bash at Old Navy earlier this month with my mom and my sister. We were all shopping for an outfit, pants, a sweater, and a winter accessory, that was both warm and stylish. My younger sister loves taking fashion risks, so she was a good person to accompany me on my mission of becoming more of a hot mama. I chose a few sweaters that I liked on the Old Navy website ahead of time so that I could have a starting point, and wouldn't be tempted to fall into the plain options that I seem to gravitate towards lately.

Old Navy Bundle Up Bash Sweater Event! by mamaknowsitall featuring a cropped sweater

At Old Navy, I really took the opportunity to step outside of my comfort zone...and even encouraged my mom to do the same. I tried on skinny jeans for the first time, and chose a dark wash that is more modern than the old jeans that I have been wearing. I loved the way my booty and legs looked in the skinny jeans, and was surprised at how comfortable they were. I also tried on a pair of Wide Leg Trouser Jeans that were super cute, too!

The best (and most challenging) part of the Bundle Up Bash, though, had to be choosing a sweater. Although I had sweaters that I knew I liked before we arrived at the store, there were a ton of in person options that I hadn't even considered! I steered clear of black (my normal go to), and tried a few sexy tops, including a modern, cropped sweater that was totally not something that I would normally get. And I talked my mom into getting a lime green sweater, and my sister into getting a more conservative outfit than she would normally choose.

The outfits that I ended up with (we each got one free, and I purchased another), really make me feel like I have stepped into the 21st century. I'm not exaggerating. I still have clothes from my freshman year in college. But, who cares about that now? I have skinny jeans, a super sexy double V sweater (that my boyfriend thought I had on backwards until I explained the double V thing, but whatever), and a new, hot mama attitude! And a new decree...No More Mom Jeans!

*Disclosure - I received coupons for a free sweater, pants and winter accessory for myself and 3 friends as a member of the Old Navy Style Council on Crowdtap. Check out Crowdtap to find out more about collaborating with brands!

Young - A Haiku

2011-12-27T13:33:00.015-05:00

What's next, Little Girl?
What adventure will we have?
You're keeping me young.

Top This - A Haiku

2011-12-21T12:52:00.002-05:00

What more could I want

What could I ever ask for

That would top this life?

Living in Lala Land? There's a Blog for That.

2011-12-20T10:30:00.005-05:00

It's crazy to think that just a few years ago, the world was such a tiny place. I mean, before social media. You had your friends, in your city, and maybe you had friends that you met in college that you kind of kept up with, but really forging friendships and being inspired with folks that you hadn't ever met in real life...well, that was for weirdos on chat lines. Fortunately, times have changed, and we're all that it's totally a small world after all.

Which is how I got to go to LaLa Land. No, not Los Angeles, but Living in Lala Land, the blog by writer Chacoy, also a member of the Social Fabric community that I'm a part of. Chacoy is a cancer survivor and single mom who blogs to encourage others through her life experiences. Full of big dreams and honest commentary on the world around her, Living in Lala Land is the kind of blog you want to read when you need to know it's okay to just be yourself. Or if you're feeling lucky. Apparently, there's lots of free stuff in Lala Land! Chacoy is always giving stuff away, or directing you to great giveaways on other blogs.

Chacoy's giving nature expands offline, in the real world, too. A mother of a tween who was born a preemie, she supports March of Dimes, Survival Mode Parent (for parents of children in the NICU), and Jack & Jill Late Stage Cancer Foundation. She's also a Brave Woman, fearlessly sharing how she escaped her domestic abuse situation in order to encourage to other women to do the same.

As the new year approaches, and I work towards my goal of building real life relationships with some of my online friends, Chacoy of Living in Lala Land is definitely on my list of folks that I'd love to get to know better! Care to join me? Head over to Living in Lala Land and check out Chacoy. Or follow her on Twitter. Or Facebook. Bring chapstick for extra points.

Creating Memories with our Homespun Holidays Tree #KmartHoliday

2011-12-19T17:33:00.005-05:00

What a difference a year makes! Last year around this time, Ayva and I were just moving out of a 4 room apartment (not 4 bedroom. 4 rooms. Front room, back room, kitchen and bathroom) into our current home, a 3 bedroom, 2 story townhouse (known as a rowhome in Philly). Moving in a few days before Christmas was a tremendous blessing, and pretty much all the gift that we needed. While I did decorate a little bit around our unpacked boxes, the focus last Christmas was less about a tree and decorations, and more about making sure our beds were put together and other moving in tasks like that.

This year, for the first time in my adult life, I was able to really begin to create Christmas traditions for my little family. I had only had a small tabletop tree before, but this Christmas, I was able to gift that tiny tree to a friend and purchased a 7' tree. We were starting from scratch with decorations, so I went to Kmart and purchased a ton of adorable ornaments, garland and lights from the Homespun Holiday collection to decorate our tree.

The night I put the tree up, I sent Ayva upstairs to play while I put the tree up. After I had the lights strung, I turned them on and called Ayva downstairs to start to hang the ornaments. When Ayva came to the top of the stairs on her way down, she froze before coming down and gasped. "Look at our tree! It looks like a princess!", she said. With Christmas music playing, she and I hung our adorable cupcake and candy ornaments, and our candy canes. As we finished and stood back to admire our work, tears came to my eyes.

I know for a lot of people, the holiday season can be a really tough time. I know because money is extra tight for me, and sometimes I have to talk myself out of feeling bad because I can't afford to take advantage of every fun opportunity or every amazing sale that are so plentiful during this time of the year. Fortunately, though, I am able to take care of Ayva and my needs, and that, too me is a blessing. It's totally icing on the cake, though, when I can do something extra special, like trim a gorgeous tree and enjoy it in my home with my most favorite person in the world.

And that's what made me cry. My grandmothers, the stylish women who made Christmas Christmas to my family, are no longer here, but they left me with a lot. I can still remember how festive Christmas felt with them around. I remember how our entire family would come together to eat and laugh all night long. I remember their houses all decorated, every inch, with holly and berries and reindeer and Santa. I remember how loved I felt.

I hope that when Ayva gets to be as old as I am, that she can remember this Christmas, trimming her very first tree with her very best friend with memories as fond as the ones that I have of my Christmases past.

*Disclosure - This shop has been compensated as part of a social shoppers insight study by Collective Bias (#Cbias). All opinions are my own.

Your Child is One in A Billion

2011-12-19T10:16:00.005-05:00

News flash folks...as fabulous, spectacular and amazing as your child is, they are one in about a gazillion children that populate this planet. There were children here before them, there will be children long after your precious little one has grown up, and Lord willing, there will be children on this earth thousands of years from now when we're all dead and gone.

I know it's hard to remember that other women have been pregnant when you're deep in the emotions of the first trimester of your first pregnancy. And yes, it can be challenging, when you're looking at the sweet face of your inaugural newborn to imagine that any other being has ever been birthed that is as precious and darling as the one you have been blessed with. As your child grows, every cute little phrase and funny little quirk affects you to the point where you forget that being uber-adorable is totally normal developmentally, and all toddlers are so yummy that you want to just gobble them up.

That being said, when you are at home, your little one might be the Golden Child, but when you are out in public, there are a bunch of Golden Children, so be considerate. This weekend, I took my Golden Child to a fun concert at a local indoor play spot. At one point in the concert, the musicians tossed bells out into the crowd so that the children could jam along with the band. Ayva was leaning down to pick up a bell, I mean, her hand was on the bell, and a mom grabbed it from where Ayva was picking it up from and tossed it to her child. Ayva didn't cry, but she walked back to me with a super sad face, and said, "She took my bells". I told Ayva not to worry about, we have bells at home, gave her my camera to take pictures and distract her from feeling sad, and talked myself down from going hog wild on the woman.

Now, I know that sometimes, as parents, we get distracted, but I have seen the look before that Snatchy Mom had. It's the look of, "I will get my child whatever they want, whenever they want, even if it's just bells, at any expense. No man, woman or child will be spared. This is my life's calling and nothing else matters."

I wanted to punch her.

But, I didn't. First of all, I'm a blogger, not a fighter. Second, I actually feel sad for that woman. I'm blessed that I don't live in a world that is so small and so enclosed that I don't notice other children besides that one that belongs to me. On a much bigger level, that seems to a challenge with our society. There are children who go hungry and don't have coats in the winter, while there are other children that get tons of expensive presents at Christmas, only for their parents to joke about how the kids only wants to play with the box.

So, as you are remembering how spectacular and amazing your child is, don't forget that the world is filled with billions of kids who are also spectacular and amazing. Just, you know, open your eyes, and I'll bet you can see them for yourself.

Our Oral-B Stages Party!

2011-12-18T22:10:00.006-05:00

If your toddler is anything like mine, when it comes to brushing their teeth, you don't have to ask twice! Ayva loves brushing her teeth! LOVES! At the beginning, I know it had a lot to do with the toothpaste, but now, she really understands that brushing her teeth at night and in the morning helps her to have a pretty smile. If I forget and try to put her to bed without a proper brushing, she is not having it. Seriously, she could be all tucked in the bed, story read and everything, and she will say, "Oh! I forgot to brush my teeth!"

That's why, when I received the opportunity to host an Oral-B Stages party, I jumped at the chance! I have used Oral-B products for years, and I know how important is is to teach kids how to brush their teeth. In the community that I serve in my non-profit job, parents not being able to afford insurance is often a deterrent to them taking their children to the dentist, or recognize how necessary it is to have a good toothbrush that is replaced often. Because of that, I decided to host my party at my daughter's daycare which serves many children who are in that situation.

Our party kit was filled with Winnie the Pooh and Toy Story Oral B Stage I and Stage II toothbrushes and toothpaste, Winnie the Pooh Lavender Wash, and popcorn which was great for watching the movie, Winnie the Pooh, which was also included in our party pack! We talked about brushing teeth with the toddlers and asked how many of them brush their teeth every night. Then I set a projector up and projected Winnie the Pooh on the wall while the children snacked on popcorn and juice.

At the end of the party, we were able to give great information about toddler oral health to parents...some of whom were very excited to get a jump on paying more attention to their toddler's teeth. One of the parents who came early and was able to talk for awhile said that she was sure the Cars Oral-B Stages II brush would be a great incentive to get her, normally not-interested in brushing son, brushing his teeth regularly!

Do your kids like to brush their teeth? Is the toothpaste a big draw? I want to know how you keep your child's mouth healthy!

*Disclosure - I received free product to host an Oral-B Stages party at my daughter's daycare by Mommyparties, but all opinions are my own.

Stuffing Stockings with Love #DisneyCFK

2011-12-16T16:02:00.008-05:00

In my family, we believe that Christmas is primarily for the kids. Not the entire holiday, mind you, but the part about gifts. As adults, we have the means to get mostly everything we need, so when it comes to buying gifts, we focus on the children. This year, I was blessed to be able to purchase gifts, not just for my child, but for another little girl whose family is in need. Ayva and I made a stocking for the girl as part of the Champions for Kids Simple Service Project. Each month, Champions for Kids introduces a new project that will help kids, and this month it was stuffing stockings with fun Disney products.

The little girl that we stuffed a stocking for isn't homeless, both mom and dad have jobs, but with the little girl just out of a surgery this week, things are a bit tight financially for the family. A lot of times, it's families like this one that get left out when folks are in a giving mood. Families that are just barely making it, and could really benefit from some additional support and thoughtfulness. It's awesome to know that my little family could be that support.

Purchasing the items to stuff the stocking for the little girl was also a great opportunity to teach Ayva about giving to others. When we first went to Walmart, I let her know that we were looking for items to make "Cami" a present. After I told her that, she only asked 1 time if we were getting something for her. When I reminded Ayva that we weren't shopping for ourselves, but for our friend, she didn't ask again, and started pointing out things that she thought "Cami" would like.

Last night, we stuffed the stocking, and I put it in the mail to "Cami" today. I'm looking forward to seeing her after she recovers after the holiday and finding out how she enjoyed her stocking! There will be a new Champions for Kids Simple Service Project next month, so check them out and see how you can get involved with helping making life better for a child!

*Disclosure - This shop has been compensated as part of a social shopper's insight study by Collective Bias (#CBias). All opinions are my own.

Little Black Girl, Little White School

2011-12-15T17:57:00.006-05:00

Why didn't anyone tell me that I'd be stressing out about finding a school for Ayva so soon? I mean, she's not even 3, yet, and the anxiety of making sure she gets in the right program next September is just a tad bit overwhelming. There is so much to think about: does the school promote learning through play? Are the children encouraged to be creative and imaginative? Are the teachers excited to be there?

I've been researching preschools in the area for a few months, but last week, I (along with Ayva's godfather) actually started going out to the schools to see them in person. We've been to 2 schools so far, and while I think the school we went to this week would be a perfect fit for Ayva. It's expensive, but most private preschools are expensive, and we don't qualify for Head Start, so whatever. I'm over the cost (more like, blocking it out of my head for now). I'd sell my blood if I had to in order to make sure Ayva's in a school that she likes and is learning, being challenged and having fun.

The thing is, this school, the one that is a perfect fit...if Ayva were to attend, she'd be one of maybe 2 Black children. And I only heard about the other Black child. I didn't see her. On one hand I think, "at 2 or 3 years old, does it really matter if Ayva's the only little girl of color there?" On the other hand, I wonder how (or if) that will affect her years down the line.

My co-worker and I were talking about looking for schools (she's looking at private kindergarten for her son), and she asked me what I wanted for Ayva. I told her that I want a place that is full of color and light, and where kids are encouraged to ask questions and teachers speak to them respectfully. I want Ayva to go to a school that has animals, and lots of outdoor play, and she comes her dirty more often than not. Sound like a lot to ask for? Well, the school we went to had all of that. And more. I mean, they had a bunny that hopped around the classroom. A BUNNY. But no Black kids.

I asked a teacher how they dealt with the issue of diversity, since, if she is accepted, Ayva would be in the minority, and the teacher was very honest with me. She said that enrollment is open to everyone, but unfortunately, because of the hours and/or the cost and/or the commitment of time needed (it's a co-op), that not every family can commit to program. That makes sense. I did see children playing with Black dolls, and lots of multicultural books. The teaching staff is small but diverse, but more than that, they were amazing. They were listening to the children, engaging with them...they were fantastic.

So, nervously and excitedly, I'm putting in an application for the school tomorrow to see if Ayva can get 1 of potentially 8 open spots. I figure, I'm Black...I can just be especially mindful of teaching Ayva about her culture, about herself. I can be more active about finding playdates for her with all types of children, and maybe join a multicultural parenting group.

I don't know, y'all. Am I way off base here?

Encouraging Bravery #BraveWoman

2011-12-13T23:08:00.007-05:00

Some days when I'm at work, I sit and think about how I can't wait to get home. I envision myself in my sweet little nest, surrounded by my favorite people, and it gives me the push I need to make it through the day. My home is my resting place. I feel safe. I feel warm. I feel at peace. Regardless of how stressful things get on my job, I am comforted by the fact that at the end of a long day, my house awaits me.

Not every woman feels this way.

For some women, home isn't a place where they can feel safe and peaceful. For some women, domestic violence prevents them from experiencing the comfort that I feel when I walk through my front door. Young, old, married, dating...the victims of domestic violence come in all different packages, but they all share one common trait. They all, with the support of others, are capable of being a Brave Woman.

What kind of support can you offer a woman who is experiencing domestic violence? First, don't judge them. Then guide them to the Brave Woman website where there is all sorts of information on how they can get help, and stories of women who survived and created new lives filled with peace and love. There's also a lot of information for those of us who want to advocate on behalf of these women.

Brave Woman is a movement that is working to change the way the world views victims of domestic violence, as well as to arm those women with enough courage and strength, and the resources they need, to make difficult decisions.

If you'd like to learn more about what you can do to speak up against domestic violence, or you're a survivor and would like to share your story to help others, I'd like to invite you to the Brave Woman Twitter party on Monday, December 19th from 1PM - 2PM EST. We will be using the hashtags #CBias and #BraveWoman. You can also support the movement on Facebook.

Leaving a domestic violence situation isn't easy, so when a women makes the decision to leave, let's make sure she has the tools she needs to be a Brave Woman.

*Disclosure - This post has been compensated as part of a shoppers insight study by Collective Bias (#cbias). All opinions are my own. This is a cause that is near and dear to me, and I support it wholeheartedly.

Dream Big - A Haiku

2011-12-13T00:00:00.000-05:00

Rest up, Little One

And while you sleep, dream big dreams

I'll help them come true

Penta-Pinterest Day 1 (And A Postponement)

2011-12-12T21:58:00.003-05:00

Let's not beat around the bush here. I'm postponing Penta-Pinterest. I have NO IDEA why I thought this week, my last full week of working for the year, would be a good week to do crafts five days in a row. Add that to the fact that Ayva and I are leaving for California this weekend for a week, and I have to pack for the two of us...yeah, Penta-Pinterest is going to have to wait. I'm thinking next week, but we'll be with my beau...not really sure if he wants his place all covered in glitter (although at some point, he might need to get used to it. Hint hint.). It'll happen,though...I'll keep y'all updated. And so I can be sure you'll come back...how about a little tease...Ayva and the cutest little reindeer ever!

A Holiday Carnival and a Lesson

2011-12-12T14:39:00.007-05:00

Going through the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, shopping and decorating the tree, it's easy to forget that there are some folks that aren't able to enjoy the season as much as we are. Even I, a single mom who is definitely part of the 99%, can get caught up in the lights (and the sales). That's why it's so funny that an event sponsored by giants in the retail industry, Urban Outfitters and Wawa (yes, of delicious sandwich fame), helped remind me that Christmas is not a time to be stressing about being able to afford presents, but a time to be grateful for the blessings that we already have.

On Saturday, Ayva and I went with a group of families with children in my organization's afterschool and summer camp programs, as well as some of my co-workers to a holiday carnival sponsored by the City of Brotherly Love, Mayor's Office of Community Service, Urban Outfitters, Operation Warm and many more. It was an amazing event that was made even more special by the special attention that all of the families received from volunteer hosts. The volunteers came from all over, but Ayva and my hosts work at the Urban Outfitters brand, Anthropologie. Seriously, we were showered with gifts (including a coat for Ayva and a Target giftcard for me Ayva, but the biggest gift was being treated like V.I.P.s by our super cute, super sweet hosts.

And you know what? That's what EVERYONE is talking about today. Not the gifts, not the magicians, not the fish...okay, people are really talking about the cool fish pond in the lobby of the Urban Outfitters venue we were in, but even more than the fish, folks are talking about the hosts! These are families that have multiple children and only 1 income who really needed coats...and they're talking about the volunteers. It really helps put into perspective what people REALLY need.

Poor people need coats, for sure. They need health care, food, shelter. But they (we)also need to be respected, and treated kindly, and given time and space to just enjoy being with our family and friends. The event that we went to on Saturday did just that. So, when you're planning your Christmas parties or toy drives, keep in mind that the greatest gifts of all don't even need wrapping paper.

You, caring, loving, sharing...is enough.

I'm Sick of the Stuff.

2011-12-11T18:27:00.004-05:00

Things are a bit of a mess right now in my house. Just about every single room is in complete disarray. If it wasn't for my thing about clean bathrooms and kitchens, I'm sure those would be a wreck, too. I know I keep using my trip to California for a work conference and traveling to North Carolina for Thanksgiving as an excuse, but seriously, that time away really got me off my game! If you've ever had (have?) a messy home, you know that can really affect your psyche. I never believed that a messy desk at work meant you weren't good at your job, but I do believe that a cluttered house reflects your mind. Well, my mind anyway.

The last few weeks, it's been tough to get out of the door to work in the morning. I've had to hustle around, trying to find clothes for Ayva and me to wear. I've had to spend time searching for the brush, forgot my lunch, left important papers and my telephone at home...yes, just a hot mess. On top of that, I've had no energy. The clutter has been draining my energy. Even when I do finally fall asleep, I can't stay asleep.

I think my clutter is haunting me.

So, it's the end of the year, it's time to let go. I mean, I am fortunate to have reached so many of the goals that I set this year, and I have even bigger, more challenging goals for next year. There is no way that I can get to where I need to go with all of these bags (literally and figuratively) holding me back. I'm not waiting until January 1st to start my new year, my new starts today. I started with our laundry room, and I'm moving into the dining room next. Nothing will be spared. I'm even going to take all of the swag that I haven't used from the year into work this week and let my co-workers have at it.

I'm sick of the stuff.

I don't want any more. I want space to move and live and breathe. I want a chance to appreciate what's in my home, each and every thing, instead of being overwhelmed by so many things. I don't want to have an attitude because trying to maintain all of this stuff is overwhelming and I feel like I'm doing it alone. It's not worth it.

Dang. I already feel a little bit better.

Letting it go. Letting it all go.

Penta-Pinterest! 5 Pinterest Crafts in 5 Days

2011-12-08T22:49:00.005-05:00

I love Pinterest. If nothing else, it keeps me grounded by making it clear that I am not good at everything. In fact, when I'm going through different boards and looking at all of the neat and beautiful projects, it makes me feel a little bit down that I'm not as creative as I thought I was. But I keep going back. And I figured that there's no reason to feel bad. I've already mastered several of the recipes that I've pinned like Pizza Puffs (of course), Oven Baked Zucchini Chips, Creamy Tortellini Soup, and, as of last night, Easy Peachy Cinnamon Rolls (minus the peaches). Now, it's time to get all glued up and crafty!

It's time for Penta-Pinterest! Ayva and I are going to create 5 Pinterest Crafts in 5 Days! Yup, I'm dragging my 2 year old into this. The last few weeks have been hectic, and she and I will be traveling again next weekend. Slowing it down and doing some fun Christmas crafts are a great way for us to breathe a bit and remember to actually enjoy the holiday that we're bustling all around for. Here are the crafts that we are going to do...care to join us? We're starting on Monday, so get your glitter together, and meet us here to share your masterpiece!

PROJECT 1

PROJECT 2

PROJECT 3

PROJECT 4

PROJECT 5

Ayva Rambling

2011-12-07T21:58:00.001-05:00

There are days when I look at Ayva and I wonder, "is this child mine?" I mean, she looks like me and all, but there is no way this little girl is the child that I gave birth to a little over 2 years ago. She is really like a little woman! This morning, she woke up, rolled over (somehow, every single night she ends up in my bed) and said in her sweet, little voice, her first words of the day, "What are you waiting for? Let's get up."

The more verbal Ayva becomes, it's interesting to see how alike we are. It makes sense because she and I are together all of the time, but I know a lot of people whose kids are nothing at all like them. You've seen it, shy, timid moms with super personable children or vice versa. I'm glad Ayva is like me.

I love how she gets really excited by new experiences. I wasn't sure how well our Awesome Year Advent Box would go, but the first night, I almost cried at how giddy she was opening the envelope and pulling out the picture. And then, THEN, she asked me if she could sleep with the picture! Every night, for the past 7 nights, she has gotten into bed without argument, and asked for her next picture. Yeah, I totally hit a home run with that one!

Other things I love about her: She speaks in exclamation marks, remembers everything about everybody, doesn't hold grudges, and is always up for an adventure. It doesn't matter what we're doing, where we're going...if I say, "Let's go, MomMom.", she's ready to roll! The best part of it all is that we actually enjoy each other's company. As Ayva says to me every couple of days while hugging my neck, we're "Best Friends Ever!"

Yup. This was just me rambling about my best girl.

It's Simple To Give

2011-12-06T20:53:00.003-05:00

There are so many things that are great about Christmas. The dull winter is brightened by colorful lights, boring nights are suddenly filled with festive holiday activities, but the best part of all is the Christmas spirit that everyone seems to catch. Is it just me, or is the Christmas spirit infectious? Young people, old people, it doesn't matter. We all want to give and show love to our fellow man. It's really the most wonderful time of the year!

Every year, for as long as I can remember, I have donated toys to a local Toys for Tots program. I also give to specific children in my daughter's daycare who are in need. Last year I bought a couple of outfits and a coat for a child that I knew could use it, and I give books to all of her classmates every year. Working at a non-profit that serves impoverished children, my colleagues and I give year round. Christmas is just the time that we wrap what we do up in pretty paper!

Also, it's amazing the number of families that we serve in our organization who are willing to give to others. Recently, the mother of a family of 7 (!) baked cupcakes for our middle school girls to raise funds for a trip...and none of her children were even going on the trip! As a single mom, I appreciate seeing that it doesn't matter how much money you have...anyone can give.

This year, I'm participating in Champions for Kids' Simple Service Project. Champions for Kids is mobilizing millions of people to improve the lives of kids, and they're making it really easy for folks to participate. Every month, a simple service project is posted. You sign up and share when it's done. This month, the project is the Disney Stocking Stuffer Celebration. Ayva and I are going to go shopping for one of her classmates who is having surgery next week. Her father just started a new job, and her mom (also Ayva's teacher) is in school, but will need to take off from work and school to take care of her little one after the surgery. Being able to relieve some of the pressure of worrying about Christmas gifts will ensure that the little girl's mom is able to devote lots of time to cuddling and kisses!

Check out Champions for Kids on Facebook or Twitter, and if you're around stop by for the twitter party on December 15th at 9 PM. Follow the hashtags #DisneyCFK and #CBias to stay informed!

How do you give back during the holidays? Do you give time? Money? Both?

*Disclosure - This shop was compensated as part of a social shopper's insight study by Collective Bias (#CBias). All opinions are my own.

Menu Plan Monday

2011-12-05T21:42:00.003-05:00

Are you serious? It's Monday again? The last few weeks have been so abnormal, from my trip to California, then Thanksgiving in North Carolina and New York last week AND again today...I'm beat! It's really hard to get back into the habit of making dinner, and even with my menu plan, I still find myself trying to figure out what we're going to eat. Last week, we didn't have cheese. CHEESE. We ALWAYS have cheese! I'm just going to keep pushing forward to the New Year, though, and start from scratch then. Until then, here's what we're eating...you'll see some oldies but goodies.

MONDAY

I went to New York to tape new episodes of iVillage's The Conversation Thread, so Ayva had leftovers. I made delicious Crispy Parmesan Chicken, broccoli (of course), and cornbread last night, so that's what Ayva ate.

TUESDAY

Pizza Puffs (By request. Seriously.)

Roasted Green Beans and Mushrooms

WEDNESDAY

Spinach and Cheese Quiche (first time for everything!)

THURSDAY

We're going to hang out at The Little Treehouse in Chestnut Hill for the Treehouse Moms meet-up, so we'll probably eat there. They have great pizza and pasta, and if we're not all pasta'd out at that point, it'll be a perfect option.

FRIDAY

I'm hoping to get to the Mexican Post to meet with some Philly Blogging Mamas!

Alright, y'all. What are you eating this week?

Our Homespun Holiday Tree! #KmartHoliday

2011-12-01T19:29:00.011-05:00

Oh Christmas Tree,

Oh Christmas Tree!

La-da-da-da-da-di-da!

It's Christmas time, and I am so excited that Ayva and I are in a house this year and can decorate and start to create holiday traditions for our little family! Last year, we moved into our house less than a week before Christmas, and, while I did put up a little tree and decorate around the unpacked boxes, it wasn't the Christmas that I had grown up with.

Both of my grandmothers were expert Christmas decorators. Although they had different tastes (my Grandmom Elaine was modern and contemporary while my Grandmom Parthenia was very traditional), I remember going into each of their houses and being enchanted by all of the holiday decor, especially the elaborately decorated Christmas trees.

Those trees took years to get to the ornamental height that they were at by the time I was born. Years of sons and daughters bringing ornaments home from school, many, many gifts of ornaments, and thousands of hours poking through stores to find just the right baubles to hang from the tree. Now, I'm so happy to start my own tree trimming legacy, and I started at Kmart with a $100 budget. I ordered a 6' ft tree from Kmart.com on Black Friday, so was left with $80 for decorations.

I don't necessarily have the same sense of style that my grandmothers had, but Kmart has beautiful collections that you can mix and match, bring home, and create a gorgeous tree. The Velvet Vision collection of ornaments appealed to my romantic side, but I'm a country girl at heart (and the mom of a toddler with a BIG opinion), so I went with the Homespun Holiday collection. The cupcake and candy ornaments were just too sweet (ha!) not to go with! I spent $60 on ornaments and a tree skirt, and will go back for lights after I figure out what kind of lights I need.

While at Kmart, I actually decided to exchange my 6' tree for a 7' tree. Because I had ordered my tree online for pickup at the store, and I was planning to pick it up that day, it wasn't a problem to exchange, and since there is currently free shipping on items over $49, I decided to have it shipped to our house so I don't have to deal with transport! Talk about a good deal!

It's going to take me a little bit of time to decorate a tree that will live up to the legacy that my Grandmothers left, so give me about a week, then come back and see our Sugary Sweet Tree! While you're waiting, check out my #KmartHoliday photo story!

*Disclosure - This shop was compensated as part of a social shoppers insight study by Collective Bias (#Cbias). All opinions are my own!

Our Awesome Year Advent Box

2011-12-01T15:44:00.004-05:00

This year has been super. Ayva and I have had so many adventures! We've been to California, went to the beach for vacation, museums, plays, concerts. You name it, we did it! Now it's almost the end of the year, and it's a great time to reflect on the many ways that we've been blessed.

My addiction to Pinterest has encouraged a new found desire not just to cook, but also to craft. I was inspired to make an felt advent calendar to countdown to Christmas, but with limited time and no chance to stop and pick up felt, I improvised and made a cute Advent Box for Ayva.

I covered a box in wrapping paper, and stuffed it with tinsel. I numbered 24 upcycled envelopes and put a significant picture for Ayva in each one. I made a little key to help me remember which day has which picture, and in addition to reflecting on the activity, we are going to do another activity that relates to fun that we had earlier this year!

How are you reflecting on your blessings this year?

Worth Waiting For

2011-11-30T21:51:00.004-05:00

Um. Um. Um. Um. Um.

Honey, there is nothing like being in a relationship with a man with no drama, and no unnecessary tension. Where there is open communication (both positive and negative), and both parties are open to change and growth. Where there is understanding. Maturity. Love.

And it sure doesn't hurt if your man is fine, too!

Gosh, if I could bottle up everything I know about what a good relationship should feel like and force some folks to drink it, I would. When I was younger, before I was a mom, I remember just a pining away over some guys who I had no business trusting with my heart. At the time, though, it seemed right. It felt (something) like the love that I wanted. I was never one of those women who liked to date around and have tons of guys. I just wanted one good one.

And I have one now.

Back in day, I thought that I didn't have time to wait. With each passing day, I was getting older, and I didn't want to end up an old maid. After I had Ayva, I was over that fear. I just wanted to be a good mom, with or without a man. It's true what they say, though, love will find you when you least expect it. I certainly wasn't looking for a man in the lobby of a hotel on my first ever night away from my child. Shoot, I was looking for relief for my rock hard boobs (Nursing mom. No baby. 'nuff said.). My hair looked a mess, my attitude was even more messy, but something about meeting my Terrence that night reminded me that I was a woman. Not just a mom, but a real life woman. Shoot, I fixed my hair up that night, got my outfit out and pressed it. I felt so much like a woman that night that I wrote a post about it the next day!

I didn't know at the time that he could be the one, but I did recognize that he was different, and it made me hopeful that all men weren't like some of the men that I had encountered. At the risk of sounding super sappy, it gave me hope, and made me consider the fact that maybe I wasn't destined to be single forever.

And my heart slowly started opening up.

Now, we're still many miles apart, facing the type of challenges that can be expected when you're in a long-distance relationship, or a single mom raising a child, but I'm still hopeful. As a matter of fact, not only is my heart open, it's full.

And this feeling was totally worth waiting for.

We #LuvCookies for Super Cute Winter Fashion!

2011-11-29T20:23:00.005-05:00

Seeing Ayva dressed up looking like a toddler always make me smile. Little girl clothes, all bright colors and big eyed animal decals really melt my heart. Watching Ayva's budding fashion sense is so fun, and I love that she is learning to express herself through clothes! When we shop together, she knows exactly what she likes, and when I shop without her now, I know exactly what she wants!

Girly Dresses! by mamaknowsitall on polyvore.com

We were looking online at Cookie's Kids the other day, and I was amazed at some of the dresses and outfits that she picked out. She wasn't just picking any old pretty dress, either. The dresses she liked had to have a certain look/design/color. My girl was not playing! We finally put together a special Christmas look that we both could agree on. Yes, both. Did I mention she's 2?

Ayva's Christmas Outfit #luvcookies by mamaknowsitall on polyvore.com

I went to Cookie's Kids in Brooklyn, New York today to check out the clothes in person. Talk about choices! The store was huge, and filled with everything from play clothes to winter coats to designer fashion and holiday dresses! They even had baby furniture and toys in the store! Everything was super affordable, too. Two hours and only a little over $60 later, I came out with some really great items! I ended up getting a different dress and coat once I got to the store. They had so much to choose from, it's a wonder I was able to make a decision at all! Follow Cookie's Kids on Twitter, and keep an eye out on the hashtags #luvcookies and #cbias for more adorable looks for your little ones. Take a look at my shopping experience and video to see what I bought:

If you head over to Cookie's Kids, make sure to check out their Refer A Friend program where you can earn savings!

*Disclosure - This shop has been compensated as part of a social shopper's insight study by Collective Bias (#cbias). All opinions are my own.

Changing - A Haiku

2011-11-29T14:40:00.004-05:00

Oh my goodness, toddler years, slow down! I thought Ayva being a baby went by fast, but at the rate that she's developing now, she'll be 24 in 2 years! It's interesting because I'll see other 2.5 year olds who aren't quite as mature as Ayva, and I start to feel kind of bad, wondering if maybe I didn't baby her enough or something. I mean, we don't take a stroller with us anymore, she walks wherever she wants to go, no matter the distance. She doesn't use a sippy cup. I don't have to cut her food up. She's a big girl!

And let's not even talk about her reasoning skills, her ability to hold a conversation, her memory! I'm telling you, this little girl keep me on track. That's why, as odd as it sounds, I'm kind of grateful when she does something toddler-like such as hiding my cellphone in her toybox, or having a complete meltdown because I won't let her wear her socks and flip-flops outside in 30 degree weather. It reminds me that, although she's changing and growing...she's still my baby.

Each season passes

The falling leaves turn to snow

You, too, are changing

Menu Plan Monday, uh, Tuesday

2011-11-29T13:43:00.000-05:00

So, last week I went to North Carolina for Thanksgiving. It was a great time with tons of trips to Bojangles in addition to the Thanksgiving feast that we had. We didn't return home until close to midnight on Sunday, so, as you can imagine, I'm still pretty beat. I know I promised that this week's menu would be better than last week's. But it won't be. I don't think. That can change, though. Just be grateful that you don't have to depend on me to eat, and I'll be grateful that Ayva is such an easy going eater (think, cereal for dinner). Anyway, here's my menu plan for the week. Feel free to laugh offer assistance with ways that I can spice things up a bit. Last week Christine from The Aums suggested roasted broccoli...definitely going to do that this week!

MONDAY
I went to a Holiday Party with the Philly Social Media Moms, so I had dip and pretzel bites.
Ayva had pizza.

TUESDAY
Loaded Veggie Omelets
Turkey Sausage

WEDNESDAY
Fancy Grilled Cheese (what's so fancy about it? I'm putting it on a fancy plate. Boom.)
Roasted Broccoli (!!!)

THURSDAY
Creamy Tortellini Soup w/Spinach
Garlic Bread

FRIDAY
Leftover Creamy Tortellini Soup

What are y'all eating this week?

Family Time - #SOCSunday

2011-11-27T12:26:00.005-05:00

Being around family for me is both good and bad. It's good because I do love them. There's usually a lot of laughter and reminiscing, and it's nice to feel like I'm a part of something. The bad part, though, is that sometimes all of that reminiscing brings up old feelings. It's weird, I definitely wouldn't want to be alone for the holidays, but you know, at the end of the weekend and spending all of that good quality time with my relatives, I end of feeling a bit drained both physically and emotionally.

I think it's normal to feel this way, especially for someone who has such a fractured family experience like I do. And I don't mean fractured in a bad way, necessarily. Just...different. This weekend, for instance, we spent most of it with my stepmother's family and my best friends. Great times, long nights, and now I'm looking forward to going home and doing it again for Christmas.

This post is an unedited stream of consciousness post. I had 5 minutes to write. Please don't judge me (or my lack of a opening and closing line!) Share your thoughts every Sunday with all.things.fadra!

Thanksgiving - A Poem (and an iVoices video!)

2011-11-23T12:11:00.003-05:00

It's the day before Thanksgiving,

And all through the house

My daughter is scurrying about like a mouse.

The morning is over

But no one is dressed

Nothing is cooked, and the house is a mess.

I'm not stressing out, though

Not sweating one bit

Going to take my day off to relax and just sit.

You see, that's what I'm thankful for,

Peace for love's sake.

And my family doing the cooking...just icing on the cake!

Happy Thanksgiving from Ayva and me! Take a look at the newest iVillage iVoices video and find out how we take shortcuts for Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving Blessings - A Haiku

2011-11-22T13:39:00.003-05:00

One day ain't enough

To celebrate them all.

Thanksgiving blessings

Menu Plan Monday

2011-11-21T14:55:00.003-05:00

It's that time again. Time to figure out what Ayva and I will eat for the week. This week is, obviously, Thanksgiving, and we're going to North Carolina, so it's going to be a super easy week. For me, anyway. My biggest challenge will be to not overindulge in the Thanksgiving sweets and treats that I love so much, and making sure that Ayva and I get real vegetables in our system. When I say real, I'm talking pure greens without butter or meat or some other delicious, nutrition diminishing ingredient. Basically, the opposite of Thanksgiving vegetables. I'll probably resort to spinach smoothies. Anyway, here's our menu plan for the week. Before you check it out, let me warn you, it's pretty plain. You will not be inspired.

MONDAY

Leftover Lasagna. I finally braved making lasagna last night, and it was really good! Now, I just have to get a proper lasagna pan.

TUESDAY

Pizza Puffs

Steamed Broccoli (Sauteed Spinach for me)

WEDNESDAY

Pizza Puffs again.

Steamed Broccoli again.

THURSDAY

Traditional Thanksgiving (turkey, mac and cheese, etc., etc, etc., etc.)

FRIDAY

Leftovers

I promise to be more interesting next week.

Who Will I Be? - #SOCSunday

2011-11-20T20:25:00.003-05:00

*I can't pretend that I wrote this in 5 minutes. I took 10. I won't do it again.

Last week was pretty cool. Not only did I get to present a workshop at a national conference, and ROCKED it in front of my boss and his boss, I was able to spend some quality time with my long-distance boyfriend. He's really awesome, and I haven't seen him in person since August. A lot of people would have a difficult time with having their significant other so far away, but for me, in the middle of what seems to be like a career boom and raising a toddler, it works. I worry that I wouldn't have enough time for him if we were closer, and that it would feel a little more like neglect than it does now. It also helps that he's super understanding, but I know he really wants us to be near him.

As I've been thinking about moving and taking our relationship to the next level, something struck me. I've always been a single mom. I mean, I've never been married, and although Ayva's father was kind of around in the beginning, at least since her 1st birthday, he has been not around much at all. As Evelyn from the "Basketball Wives" would say, he's a non-motherf*cking factor. It's really weird, though, because I don't really know, I mean, really know, any women that have been single moms from the beginning. All of my aunts were married before they had children, all of my close friends, even my parents, teenagers when I was born, were married before I got here. But that's who I am. The other day, an old friend sent me a song that he said reminded him of Ayva and me. I was really surprised when I watched the YouTube video and heard the lyrics, because I haven't seen him in at least 6 years, and he's never met Ayva, but this song was spot on. It's amazing to me that someone who doesn't even talk to me much knows who I am, I'm a mom who would do anything, ANYTHING to make my daughter happy, regardless of the sacrifices that I have to make.

So, I'm wondering about getting married and the transition from single mom to...partner? I mean, where would I start with sharing the work that I've been doing by myself with someone else? And, when I'm not "Single Mom Brandi" anymore, what will I identify with? Who will I identify with? Or, will I still be a single mom because Ayva isn't his daughter?

This is so seriously stream of consciousness, and I know it's a wreck. If you can make sense of what I wrote...God bless you.

I Occupied San Francisco

2011-11-17T11:43:00.006-05:00

If you ever get a chance to challenge your own thinking through experience, I encourage you to take it. I took the opportunity and was amazed at what I learned, even as an observer. I've been torn about the Occupy movement going on right now. On one hand, of course, I'm totally the 99%, but on the other hand, what is it, exactly, that these protesters hope to gain from camping out in tents in the middle of the city? Yesterday, in San Francisco, I went looking for lunch during a break at my conference. I happened upon a rally with the Occupy San Francisco folks in front of a Regents Bank. Young people, armed with signs of protest, gathered together, sitting in front of stern-faced police officers dressed in riot gear.

Chants from the crowd directed towards the police officers, "Who do you protect? Who do you serve?" filled the air, and announcements made by a rally organizer and repeated by the crowd to ensure the message was heard by everyone helped me to begin to clarify what it is exactly that the Occupy protesters want.

B of A, you can't hide, we can see your greedy side!

Banks got bailed out, we got sold out! Banks got bailed out, we got sold out!

Signs with "R.I.P. Public Education!" and "Queers for Public Education" let uncertains like myself, know that these people, these protestors, leaving life as they know it to live in solidarity with strangers in tents want exactly what I want as a parent. The want all citizens to get the same chance at success, they want the vast inequities between the richest Americans and the poorest Americans to be rectified. They want to be able to afford the good life.

As college students who had arrived on a bus from Berkeley chanted and carried signs that said, "No Poverty for Graduates and Retirees", I saw a group of bubbly young women, no older than freshmen, as they hopped through the crowd, giddily, to find a spot to sit and chant. Take away the cops and the bullhorns, and I could envision them together, bouncing along together in the same way at a football game.

The difference, however, is that this means something.

It means something to the young women, and it means something to their peers, and it means something to their community.

They are activists. Young and naive, perhaps, but activists, nonetheless.

Every once in awhile, I get into a conversation with a group of my peers, and we talk about how kids don't care anymore. Gone are the days of protests and demanding rights. Heck, most of our kids don't even know that they have rights. Those days, the good old days, ended even before our times.

These kids, though, these college students and young folks who weren't quite sure what they were doing before this movement came along, now feel like they have a purpose, and a reason for being here. They feel like they have a voice, and a chance to be heard. They feel like they can make a difference. And they are making a difference.

Right before I departed the group as they prepared to march en masse to the State House, I heard the organizer announce on his bullhorn:

Mic Check / Mic Check

Report from/ Report from

The inside/ The inside

They have shut / They have shut

The bank down / The bank down

(Cheers from the group)

Mic Check/ Mic Check

Mission / Mission

Accomplished / Accomplished

Two Days to Breaking Dawn! - New iVoices Video

2011-11-16T11:11:00.005-05:00

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part 1 is premiering at midnight tomorrow, and like, seriously, who cares? I mean so what Bella chooses Edward, marries him, and breaks Jacob's heart. Who cares whether or not she, a mortal, gets pregnant (her first time!) and bears a baby that will ultimately mean the death of her? I mean, come on, people, grow up. This is fiction, it's not real, no need to stand in line at the break of dawn (ha!) to see the movie that will be in theaters for weeks.

You can just take Friday off of work and go see it then.

Like me.

Oh my gosh!! Breaking Dawn opens in 2 days! Ah!! I first fell in love with the Twilight series 2 years ago. My co-workers were so excited about the New Moon movie coming out, and were talking so much about the books that I had to borrow them so that I wouldn't feel so left out. Once I started reading the first book, I was hooked. From there, I read the other 3 books in the series, and watched the first 2 movies on DVD. Then, as a group, my co-workers and I went to see Eclipse during opening weekend at our local IMAX theater. Amazing!

I don't know what it is about the series that is so good to me. I love the way Bella and Edward's romance is written, innocent enough for teens and pre-teens to swoon over Edward's attentiveness without feeling weird about it being too sexy, and steamy enough for grown behind women like myself to want to picture ourselves in Bella's shoes. I mean, as far as the love stuff. Not the crazy vampires hunting us stuff.

Take a look at my new iVillage iVoices report with my fellow Twihards, Dwan and Amanda, and let me know...are you Team Edward or Team Jacob?

Your World - A Haiku (and a post)

2011-11-15T08:00:00.002-05:00

I just attended a pre-conference training at the National Summer Learning Conference called, "The Seeds of Summer: Maximizing the Impacts of Outdoor Settings on Youth Summer Learning." While it was a completely thorough training and provided great insights for me to bring into my professional work, it gave me a much clearer picture on how important it is for me as a parent to expose Ayva to intentional outdoor experiences.

A couple of weeks ago, when we went on our hike in the park near our house, it was truly a lovely memory building day for Ayva, and for me. We didn't have any toys or tools, just the sticks, rocks and leaves that we found in the space. And we had a great time! It reminded me of our beach trip, taken in the spur of the moment, without any buckets or beach chairs...we didn't even bring beach towels with us. But everyday, Ayva and I ate our meals on the beach, used shells to dig for other shells, built sand ~~castles~~ hills, and just enjoyed the company of each other.

The summer before I went into the 9th grade, I spent a month in Belgium with my cousin and her family. She was 4 years older than me, but it really didn't matter when we were riding bikes to pick blackberries, making batiks outside or drying flowers. Something about being outside, something about nature, helped us to relate to each other, and that still stands out as one of my most favorite summers ever.

I'm newly committed to making sure Ayva grows up to appreciate the world around her. I don't want her to be afraid to get her hair wet in the rain, or complain that it's too hot to go outside and be active. Just like anything else, though, it starts with me. Just call me Mother Nature. Junior.

Your World

This is your world, girl.

The dirt and leaves and the trees.

They live just like you.

Menu Plan Monday - The Away Edition

2011-11-14T18:36:00.003-05:00

This is only my second Menu Plan Monday post, and I'm already slacking. It's not my fault, though. I'm in San Francisco for a really cool conference on summer learning, and I don't have to plan a menu for the week. Sure, Ayva is at home, but I inhaled, exhaled and released the stress of trying to regulate what she's eating when I'm not there. My brother and my mom are watching her, and Ayva is able to ask for specific food items when she's hungry, so I'm just going to trust that she'll eat well while I'm gone.

That doesn't mean I don't have a menu plan for the week at all, though. It just means that there's little to no effort on my part in making sure the 2 people in my family eat. I guess you'd call that a...break? Anyway, here's my menu plan for the week:

SUNDAY

A romantic dinner with my beau on the lake at Lake Chalet. I ate 2 crabcakes, 2 pieces of bread and a New York Strip Steak with Root Vegetables requested in a particularly iron-deficiency moment. (And yes, I really did eat ALL of that. And yes, I''m starting with Sunday so I can brag that my boyfriend took me to a really romantic dinner!)

MONDAY

Dinner at The Stinking Rose with Christine from The Aums. Even more than the food, I'm looking forward to fun girl talk with my friend!

TUESDAY

A conference reception at Sens Restaurant overlooking the San Francisco Bay. They will have my favorite foods, cocktails and hors d'oeuvres. That's all I'll need.

WEDNESDAY

A gala for my boyfriend's job before I head on the plane to come home. They will have my favorite foods, cocktails and hors d'oeuvres. That's all I'll need.

THURSDAY

Loaded veggie omelet with turkey bacon. This will be my first night back, and I want to make sure I can maximize my Ayva time.

FRIDAY

Chinese take-out. I'm tired even thinking this far ahead. We'll get back to cooking this weekend!

So, what are y'all eating this week?

CLOSED! Highlight Your Year with Shutterfly Holiday Cards + A GIVEAWAY!

2011-11-10T23:17:00.006-05:00

I have something that I need to express, and I know I'm going to get a lot of heat for it. I really don't care, though, because I am so passionate about this issue that people can say what they want about me. Sure, I'm a little nervous to share this because I know some of you are going to think differently of me, but, whatever, it is what it is.

I love it that the Christmas season is starting earlier and earlier each year.

That's right, y'all, even though Thanksgiving with all of its turkey and delicious desserts is great, nothing beats Christmas for me! I love the lights, I love the music, and I love the spirit of goodwill that fills the air. And you know what else I love? Making my Christmas cards with Shutterfly.

Shutterfly, as usual, has an amazing selection of holiday cards to choose from. Last year, although I had good intentions, and I even started (incredibly) early, my Christmas cards turned into New Years cards! This year, I'd like to make sure I get my cards out before the holiday is over! It's not going to be easy, though, because of all of the great designs that Shutterfly has to choose from. My favorite card design, at least for now, is one that lists highlights from the year. What a great way to reflect on your blessings! Hmm....maybe I could make photo books or a 2012 calendar that depicts our blessings on each page. Okay, I have to get to work!

Oh, and you have work to do, too! Right now, Shutterfly is offering one free greeting or stationary card with the code, CARD4U. You can also enter to win 15 free holiday cards AND a free calendar from Mama Knows It All! It's easy to enter, just leave a comment telling me when you send your Christmas cards out. Don't forget to leave your email address! Giveaway ends on Thursday, November 17th at 9PM EST. CLOSED!

*Disclosure - I received free product for this review. All opinions are my own.

Planning Motherhood (inspired by "Expecting Adam" by Martha Beck)

2011-11-09T16:51:00.007-05:00

When you're going through a point in your life where you're at a fork in the road, and you're not sure which direction you want go, an unplanned pregnancy can help you to pick a route pretty quickly. Suddenly, the journey that you're on has more meaning, and where you end up, the destination, becomes super important.

I can't say that my first reaction upon finding out that I was pregnant, in the emergency room during a visit for excruciating stomach pains, was happiness. It was more like surprise. Disbelief. Fear. I didn't even have time to process the information because, as a pregnant woman, the pain that I was experiencing was suddenly much more serious, and I was hustled to a hospital room in a whirlwind for blood tests, examinations, and the first of the at least 20 ultrasounds that I would receive throughout my pregnancy.

When the smoke finally cleared, and I was released from the hospital and back at home, the fact that there was a human inside of me became real. I'd seen the flicker on the ultrasound monitor that was my Ayva's 4 week old heart...I was a mom. That quick. And I needed to come up with a plan for my our lives even quicker. At that point in my life, I was floating. I didn't know what my next move would be. Wasn't sure if I was going to stay in Philly or move. I wasn't even living in my own place. I was staying with my cousins in the suburbs, trying to figure some of this stuff out. Where I was, mentally and physically, wasn't exactly conducive to motherhood.

Suddenly, what I needed to do was clear. I left my cousin's house and leased an apartment within a couple of weeks, and started planning and preparing to begin a new life as a single mom. Unfortunately, an extremely difficult pregnancy made me have to regroup and come up with a different plan that included a large number of amazingly supportive family and friends, but at least, for the first time in a long time, I knew where I was going and how I was going to get there.

Now, even though Ayva has been here for more than 2 years, I'm still planning. In fact, knowing what's next is even more crucial than before. It's a lot more fun on this journey with a bubbly toddler, though, and filled with a lot more adventure. Although motherhood was a unplanned road that I ended up on, I am so grateful to be on this ride.

Being pregnant while in graduate school is no piece of cake and even more stressful to learn your unborn child had Down syndrome. In her memoir Expecting Adam, Martha Beck battled almost everyone over her decision to continue her pregnancy. Join From Left to Write on November 10 as we discuss Expecting Adam. We'll also be chatting live with Martha Beck at 1PM Eastern on November 10 on From Left to Write.

Heavy D, Passing Notes, and Youth

2011-11-08T21:51:00.004-05:00

Heavy D, the Dapper Rapper, died today, and with his passing, another reminder that the era of my youth is long behind me. I remember jamming to We Got Our Own Thang when I was in middle school. Man, those were the days. Boys really wanted to be men. They wanted to be smooth and well dressed. And it was cool to dance. Like, real cool. In my middle school, even all the way in Germany where I lived at the time, groups of boys would form dance groups. They performed at pep rallies and talent shows to popular songs, replicating the moves that they saw on videos by groups like Heavy D & The Boyz, and the better they were at dancing, the more popular they were. Now, it's like pulling teeth to get boys to dance.

Things were much simpler when I was younger. I could watch television with my parents. Shows like The Cosby Show and A Different World were safe. My parents didn't have to worry about my sister and me picking up something vulgar or having nightmares from gruesome images. Even In Living Color, with its off color humor, was okay to watch, because its off color was nowhere near as dirty as some of the stuff that's shown on prime time television now. I really miss that.

And, it's not like things were perfect, they weren't, but it seemed as if there were less outside factors trying to bring us down. Take women and self-esteem, for instance. In one of my favorite Heavy D videos, "Nuttin' But Love", the video is filled with tons of beautiful models. The difference between that and videos now, though, is that the models in Heavy D's video were natural beauties. There was no silicone boobs, no booty implants...and the girls were wearing clothes! One of the models actually had bantu knots in her hair! Not a twist out, but the actual knots! A young woman who looked at that video wasn't being exposed to a standard of beauty that could only be obtained by breast implants and a head full of weave. She could actually view videos and still believe that she was beautiful. I don't even look at videos anymore because they make me feel so bad about myself. And I'm a grown woman with a fairly normal self-esteem. I can't imagine what those videos make a young girl with no sense of self feel like.

Oh, and what about notes? I remember getting notes from my girlfriends, notes from boys I liked, notes from boys that liked me...I actually still have some of them. Text messaging will never be equal to folding a piece of paper up into a star, decorating it, writing "Peace, Love and Happiness" all over it, and handing it to a friend in between classes. It was such a rush to get a note! I'd wait for the perfect time to open it and read it, and of course, write back immediately, so they could write me back right away. Writing notes really helped to build character. We learned to articulate our feelings, and resolve conflict (ever had an argument via notes? Crazy! But safer than fighting. Or online bullying.) Kids don't write notes anymore...and it shows.

Well, Heavy D is gone, my days of youth are over, and innocence seems to be dying a slow death. I'm just grateful to have had all three, and I'm going to make sure my daughter gets the opportunity to know them, too.

I started tonight. With this:

Better - A Haiku

2011-11-08T21:11:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was hard.

I adjusted my thinking

Today was better.

She Melts Down. I Melt Down.

2011-11-07T20:07:00.005-05:00

I have never known struggle like the "Mom of a Toddler" struggle I am facing right now. I didn't really want to believe the "Terrible Two" thing, and for awhile, I thought that I might get off easy.

No such luck.

It's hard to explain what we're going through over here because I don't fully understand what's going on. All I know is, yesterday, I had to leave Ayva with my brother and get out of the house for a few minutes to cool off. And last night I hollered at Ayva so bad that I felt terrible, and I was embarrassed with myself for losing it.

It's tough.

One minute we're reading a book together and dancing and having a great time, the next minute, it's time to take a bath and she's falling out on the floor and screaming at the top of her lungs. She's having meltdowns at the rate of about 2 per hour at this point. And I'm not that far behind her.

I don't know what to do.

I'm thinking that maybe we need to get away and release some of our stress. Both of us. Together. I believe that as stressed as I am with Ayva's behavior, she's stressing out, too, trying to learn what appropriate behavior is, how she should react, what she can and can't do...it has to be confusing and challenging. I don't know, y'all. I'm feeling a little in over my head right now.

So, any tips? How do/did you deal with your little one's toddler tantrums without going crazy?

First Time for Everything a.k.a. Menu Plan Monday

2011-11-07T08:00:00.000-05:00

Alright, y'all. Somebody better check the weather, because today might be a cold day in "You Know Where" because today is the day that I write my first Menu Plan Monday post. I'm not sure what's going on with me, but Menu Plan Monday seems like a logical next step in my new found ~~love~~ interest in cooking.

Life is so crazy lately, that I'm really being forced to plan ahead or risk falling off the grid completely. There are some days that I feel like my head is spinning, other days my head is still, but the world is spinning. It'll be nice to know that once I get home, and get off the roller coaster ride that is life as a working single mom, I'll at least be able to fill my belly, and spend some quality time with my little Chef's Assistant!

MONDAY:

Baked Tilapia (my brother is going to make this)

Angel Hair Pasta sauteed with Garlic and Spinach

Citrus Corn w/ Parsley (adapted by this recipe for Cilantro Citrus Corn)

Zucchini Muffins (for breakfast for the rest of the week)

TUESDAY:

Turkey Burger Pockets (I'm making this up based on the Turkey Empanadas I talked about!)

Cheesy Broccoli

WEDNESDAY:

Potato and Onion Frittata (Check out this Frittata Tutorial video from my girl, Christine)

Roasted Green Beans with Mushrooms

THURSDAY:

Grilled Chicken and Veggie Quesadillas

FRIDAY:

Could be cereal. I have no idea.

Cookies with Ayva

Frugal Chefs, Slow Cooker Jambalaya, and Empanadas for Esteem

2011-11-06T18:20:00.007-05:00

Way back in June, when I wrote about how much I love cookbooks but loathe cooking, I had no idea a few months later I'd be eating my words. (I should TOTALLY get points or a prize for that pun!) In the last few weeks, I've been experimenting in the kitchen, and I'm really starting to like it!

It all started with Pinterest. Unlike the cookbooks that I enjoy reading so much, Pinterest features recipes that were created and/or conquered by (mostly) regular folks. Every once in awhile, a pin by a for real, for real chef sneaks through, but it's primarily real women who are just good cooks. And it makes me think that, with a ~~lot~~a little bit of practice, I can be a good cook.

Yesterday, I was able to rep my kitchen game in public for the first time. I was invited by Bottom Dollar Foods to attend a Frugal Chef Class at the Art Institute in Center City with a group of Philly bloggers. Executive Chef Dan D'Angelo created 2 recipes for us to make using inexpensive ingredients from Bottom Dollar, and then judged us on our efforts. One of the reason I'm not a foodie is because I have too many food issues. I don't like this, don't eat that...I'm a chef's worse nightmare. Chef D'Angelo was cool, though. He encouraged me to revise the recipe using the ingredients that I like. Modify a recipe? Um, Mama don't do that. I might be a visionary in many ways, but when it comes to recipes...I'm strictly by the book.

I figured the folks at Bottom Dollar wouldn't partner with a chef who would steer us wrong, so I did it. I changed the recipe to suit me and my tastes, and my Turkey Empanadas turned out great! I added swiss cheese to a dish that didn't call for any cheese, and, honey, now I'm just empowered to add things to other things!! I had a brief conversation with my girl, Liz, about starting a movement called "Empanadas for Esteem". Filling biscuits with stuff is good for the soul. Seriously. Listen, y'all...that might happen.

Turkey Empanadas with Cheese. Yum, right?

Take tonight for instance, I made a delicious pseudo-sausage jambalaya in my slow cooker. I couldn't find a recipe that I liked without a tomato base, so I made one of my own. Now, keep in mind I'm still learning, and I'll make some revisions the next time I'll make it, but for a newbie, it turned out alright. My brother got seconds, so there's that. Here's my recipe:

Slow Cooker Jambalaya

-1 pack of turkey sausage or kielbasa

-2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts (diced and cooked)

-2 cups of rice (cooked)

-1 medium onion chopped into small pieces

-1 medium green pepper chopped into small pieces

-1 cup of vegetable stock (next time, I will use chicken stock for more flavor)

-1 teaspoon of oregano

-1 tablespoon of italian seasoning (you could also use cajun seasoning)

-1 tablespoon of cracked black pepper

-2 tablespoons of olive oil

1. Chop the onion and green pepper.

2. Cook the rice as normal.

3. Cut chicken into small pieces and cook thoroughly.

4. Cut the turkey sausage into cubes.

5. Put everything into the slow cooker.

6. Add the seasonings and the vegetable stock.

7. Cook on low for 6 hours or on high for 3 hours. Enjoy!

Our Walk in the Woods

2011-11-05T22:30:00.004-04:00

While on a walk in the woods this morning with Ayva and my friend, David, it occurred to me that everyone should take a walk in the woods. Not only does it add a year to your life (or something like that, according to an article David read), but it helps you to put things into perspective. Seriously, it's hard not to get philosophical after a walk in the woods. I don't know if it's being surrounded by nature in its purest (mostly) form, the fresh air, or the overall sensory experience of leaves under your feet, the smell of fall and the sounds of chirping birds, but go into the forest for 10 minutes or so, and tell me you don't feel like analyzing/writing/evaluating/creating something.

It occurred to me today, while on our walk in the woods, that the forest works because it is what it is, and that's all it is. There are trees, a creek, rocks...all of the things that makes a forest a forest. There's no playground, no coffee shop...there are a couple of benches, but that's it. And people love it for exactly what it is.

Just something to think about.

Princess It Is

2011-11-04T22:24:00.005-04:00

Princess Ayva and her Royal Court

Last night, I was feeling all sentimental, so I decided to have a good old-fashioned heart to heart with Ayva. My two year old. Here's how it went:

Ayva, you are such a good girl. You are intelligent and beautiful, and you listen and follow directions so well. Mommy is always going to make sure you have everything you need so that you can be whatever you want to be when you grow up. You can be a doctor, or a scientist, or a writer, or a lawyer...anything you want!

AYVA

I'm going to be a princess.

Well, of course she is. Now, I wasn't as bummed out by Ayva's response as some other feminist(ish) mamas might have been. To me, my daughter is a princess. Shoot, if I am a queen, what else would she be? Anyway, I took her declaration and made it a teachable moment. Here's how the rest of the conversation went:

A princess? That sounds amazing! If you are a princess, you know that you will have a lot of responsibility. You have to make sure everyone is taken care of, and you have to help people out.

AYVA

I will give them gifts.

Wow. Now if this child isn't ready to be a princess, I don't know who is! You know how you have those conversations with your child, though, and it's in one of those moments when you're completely blown away by their depth and perception, and you try to recreate the moment again, and they remind you that they're 2 and have no idea what you're talking about? I thought this was one of those moments, but she showed me that she really got what I was saying about her role as a princess when sharing a story earlier today about an incident in her class.

It's a long story, but it involves all of the kids in her class crying at the end. So, when I was asking her who was crying, she answered, "All my friends. But I make sure they okay. I am princess."

Boom.

She gets it.

Princess it is.

Mama Takes A Break #DelMonte

2011-11-04T11:38:00.007-04:00

Don't think I'm crazy, but sometimes I sit in the bathroom for 20 minutes or so just so I can get a little bit of alone time. During my lunchbreak. Yeah, it's pretty bad. Trying to find the time to get a little break can be difficult for me. At work, I have a lot of responsibilities and people are always looking for me to answer questions, solve problems, or even just for general chit chat. When I get home, I'm a single mom, so Ayva needs my attention. Trying to get a few minutes just to myself can be very challenging.

Recently, one of my co-workers gave me a little bit of advice. She told me that I have to TEACH people that I'm on a break. For the last few weeks, from 11:30 AM - 11:40 AM, I pull out my morning snack, check out my favorite website, and let my mind take a break. In the beginning, folks would still come over and ask me questions, but I would just let them know that I'll be with them in 10 minutes. After a few days, people knew that if they see me with my applesauce or cup of tea or muffin...give me a minute.
<

I was really happy to find a new snack when I went shopping at Walmart. I recently tried the new Del Monte Diced Peaches with Cinnamon and Brown Sugar from #DelMonte. Because I only have a few minutes, what I eat during my morning break needs to be good, and these peaches are REAL GOOD!! Oh my goodness, when I put the peaches in my mouth, I actually said, "Oh, wow!" They are really a special treat for me, because they have 15 g of sugar (and my treats are usually 10 g or less), but it's much better than going to the vending machine and getting a cinnamon bun!
Alright, back to work. Snack time is over, my Del Monte Peaches with Cinnamon & Brown Sugar are gone, but there's always tomorrow!

*Disclosure - This shop has been compensated as part of a social shopppers insight study by Collective Bias (#cbias), but all opinions are my own.

The Answer - A Haiku

2011-11-01T15:31:00.005-04:00

Whenever I ask,

"Could you get any cuter?"

The answer is yes.

Starting Something New - #SOCSunday

2011-10-30T08:25:00.003-04:00

There's something exciting...and scary, about starting something new. I've always had tons of ideas. I've loved to jump right into them, try them out, go real hard, and then the thrill of the new project seems to fizzle out. Except for this blog. There wasn't a lot of planning, no marketing plan, no big launch. I just wrote my first post, and here I am a year and a half later. It feels good to follow through on something.

Right now, I'm in the middle of launching another blog. That site is more thought out than this one was. I'm actually using it as a companion to a business that I am starting. It took a little more preparation (and money) to start than this one because I have an objective in mind. The biggest challenge, though, was having to talk myself down about feeling bad that it isn't going to be "perfect" when I launch it.

But it's cool. I just feel good that I was able to have an idea and see it through to fruition. Even if it isn't perfect. Yet.

Time for My Birthday

2011-10-27T17:58:00.007-04:00

Today is my birthday, and, as is the case with most of my birthdays, I spent the last week stressing over the "supposed-to-dos" that didn't get done since the last time I celebrated getting a year older. Two nights ago, as I tried to figure out how to squeeze 363 days worth of goals I was supposed to achieve into 48 hours, a simple thought became illuminated to me, "You have time."

I have time. Oh. Right.

My concept of time is definitely a little off right now, and it has a lot to do with living with a toddler. Every day she's different. Some days it's a new word, other days it's a new expression, or a new song, or a new attitude. She's busting out of her pants, busting out of her shoes, practically out of pull-ups...it's hard to keep up. And although I haven't changed much (well, physically, anyway) over the last 2 years, she's completely different than when I first brought her home. Some days I look at Ayva and I'm like, "Wait...you're a person. And I'm your mom. I'm a persons mom. Weird."

Yeah, it's really weird, but it's life. Babies grow into toddlers grow into children grow into teenagers grow into adults. And then, if you're lucky, you're an adult for a long, long while. Time kind of slows down, and that's when we get the chance to really, really take in, and reflect on, life.

I'm just in a different time zone than I used to be.

In this time zone, I have the time to make thoughtful decisions before jumping into a potentially risky situation.

I have the time to research options and choose the best ones based on what Ayva and I need.

I have the time to get to know people before leaping into a partnership...personal or otherwise.

There's time to take a day, or two...or three, off if I need to because I need to regroup or reassess what it is that I want in life.

I have time. There's no pressure, no rush. I have time to face the challenges I'm given, and time to celebrate the successes I achieve.

Yup. Totally awesome birthday gift. Totally awesome.

My Man Is All That - (inspired by "Lost Edens")

2011-10-26T15:13:00.008-04:00

It's really hard to find words to express what it feels like to be in a relationship where you are respected and adored. Not just loved, but adored. Believe me, there's a difference. The feeling is just...man, it's just so different. In the past, I had gotten so used to being treated a certain way, or not being treated a certain way, that when I met a man, when I met my man, it was almost like I had never been in an adult relationship before. Yeah, my man is all that.

He isn't all that because he completely spoils me (which he does), or because he never lets a day pass without telling me how much he cares about me (he does that, too). He's all that because he cares enough about me to take the time to share with me what he needs in order to be at his best in our relationship. He listens to what I need, and, although I know it has to be challenging sometimes to deal with my ~~hormones~~ quirks, he tries. And he compromises. I see him growing because of me, and I feel myself growing because of him, every single day. We are in a relationship. Like really.

I'm not trying to brag. I'm really not. But shoot, even if I was, I've earned the right to brag after all of these years. The guy who cheated on me and then cried when he got caught, the one who claimed he wanted to marry me but wouldn't tell his crazy ex-girlfriend (now wife) to stop calling me and hanging up, the one who bristled whenever I tried to hold his hand and made me feel asexual. Yes, honey, if I was bragging, which I am not, I have worked for these rights. Worked!

One thing about all of those relationships, though, is the common denominator was me. It's true, some of the men were just crazy as all get up, but with each of them, there were clues that gave me a hint into who they were, and what I would be up against. In most cases, I chose to ignore the early clues. Maybe I was lonely at the time, or my self-esteem was low, or I was just being lazy, but whatever it was, my choice to stay, was my choice, and my hurt feelings or broken heart were a result of my poor choice. I wasn't thinking that I deserved more than what I was getting, I wasn't thinking that I was all that.

Things are different for me now. I'm older. I'm a mother. I have a better sense of myself and a better sense of what I want in a partner. I'm not saying that my man is perfect. He isn't. Our relationship isn't perfect. Heck, I'm not perfect. What he is, what our relationship is, though, is all that. All that about open and honest communication. All that about growth and sacrifice. All that about compromise and learning. All that about love.

Okay. Maybe I am bragging. But I'm all that, so it's alright!

In Lost Edens, author Jamie Patterson struggles to save her marriage which may or may not be already over. Keeping her attempts a secret from her family, she attempts to mold herself into the wife her husband wants her to be. As a member of From Left to Write book club, I received a copy of this book for review. You can read other members posts inspired by Lost Edens by Jamie Patterson on book club day, October 27 at From Left to Write.

Making a Boo Bag with my Boo! And a Movie, Too!

2011-10-25T11:35:00.002-04:00

This weekend was super fun for Ayva and me! Not only were we out and about every single day, but we also were able to check out the brand new movie, "The Cat in the Hat Knows A Lot About That! Tricks and Treats!" and make a Boo Bag...or in our case, a Boo Pumpkin, for our neighbor!

Our Saturday started off as it always does, at Walmart, where we picked up all of the makings for a super stuffed, super awesome Boo Pumpkin. Fun sized Snickers and M&M's were the foundation of our surprise, and we rounded things out with some Milky Way and fun trinkets like a coloring book, stickers and spooky straws. When we got home to put it all together, Ayva was so excited about the surprise that she didn't even ask to eat any of the candy! Even at 2 years old, she's already experiencing the old saying, "It's better to give than receive"!

Later on, in keeping with the Halloween spirit, I went to Redbox at the supermarket and picked up "The Cat in the Hat Knows A Lot About That! Tricks and Treats!" Ayva loves the show when she gets to watch it, and this video, with 3 stories running at about 35 minutes, was short enough to keep her attention, and get her even more excited about Halloween and leaving the Boo Pumpkin on our neighbor's porch! When I first reserved the movie on the computer before going to pick it up, I had a feeling that I would be purchasing the movie after we watched it. I was right. We definitely need to own it! Follow #couchcritics on Twitter for more movie reviews!

Have you ever done a Boo Bag before? Who did you boo? This was our first time, and it's really cool to be able to teach Ayva about giving to others all times of the year!

*Disclosure - This shop was compensated as part of a social shoppers insight study by Collective Bias (#cbias). All opinions are my own.

Motivation - A Haiku

2011-10-25T11:19:00.004-04:00

You watch every move,

Taking in the things I do.
You motivate me.

Attack of the 50 Ft. Party! AAAHH!

2011-10-21T14:45:00.009-04:00

It's almost that time, y'all. Time to throw all of parenting sense out of the window, dress your kids up in funny outfits, and allow them to go crazy with candy. Yes, y'all...it's almost Halloween! I'm just about set for it, too. I bought Ayva's costume, and decorations for the house from Kmart a few weeks ago, and now I just have to figure out what I'm going to be. Hopefully I'll be able to pull something better than "Frazzled Mom" together this year.

So what about you? Are you ready to go trick or treating? No? Okay, don't worry. Here's what you can do right now, and you don't even have to get up! Head over to Kmart on Facebook and register to win a $1500 Kmart gift card so that you can host a super, over the top 50 Ft. Party! What's a 50 Ft. Party, you ask? It's the "everything you need to know about #KmartHalloween" site with tons of tips for having a ~~fun~~ spooky, good time. Imagine how much candy you can buy for ~~yourself~~ your little goblins with $1500! The contest ends on Monday, so hurry up and get over there! Good luck!

*Disclosure - This shop has been compensated as part of a social shoppers insight study by Collective Bias (#cbias). All opinions are my own.

The Conversation Thread - When Should You Have "The Talk"?

2011-10-21T11:46:00.003-04:00

Is it just me, or does it seem like these kids have lost their minds since when we were growing up? I mean, I know we did some crazy things when we were tweens or teens, but...wow. Some of the things that young folks know about and talk about and DO, I couldn't even fathom when I was 11 or 12 years old. So, as the mother of a daughter, I wonder, should I have "the talk" with her a lot sooner than the talk was had with me?

Take a look at the newest episode of The Conversation Thread on iVillage with Lyss Stern, Judy Gold, Kelly Wallace and me, and then tell me when you had, or will have, the talk!

14 Year Olds are Not Adults

2011-10-19T21:48:00.004-04:00

When I was in the 9th grade, I went to a banquet and met a young man who went to another school way across town. We talked during the entire event, and continued our conversation for weeks over the telephone. One day, he asked if he could come by and visit, and, after getting permission, I said yes. When he got there, we picked up right where we left off, laughing and having a great time. Somehow, right in the middle of our conversation...we kissed. It was a sweet little kiss because I was a sweet little girl...but mostly because my grandparents were in the other room! Also, I was caught off guard a little because I had only known him for a few weeks, a little less than a month, and that was totally not my m.o.

Anyway, after that kiss, I guess my friend was feeling a bit ~~frisky~~ more comfortable with me, and decided to try to unbutton my shirt while whispering, "Don't worry, I brought protection." In my grandparent's house! Sitting in the kitchen! Well, I quickly set him straight by swatting his hand away and asking him, "What's my middle name?" He looked at me like I was crazy, and I asked him again, "What's my middle name? Do you really think I'm going to have sex with you? I don't even know you!" He apologized, gathered his things to leave, and said that he was sorry one more time before he left. As soon as he walked out the door, I told my grandmother what happened, and although she didn't like the fact that we had kissed, she was proud that I was able to stop him in his little horny boy tracks.

Not every girl at that age is equipped with the skills to stop a kiss before it goes "too far", though. Or knows that stopping is an option. Or believes that they should stop. Or thinks that they could stop even if they really, really want to. And here's the thing...even if I didn't know better on that day at my grandparent's house, and I did let things go too far, sure, he might have told his friends, but that would have been it. We didn't go to the same school, so I didn't have to worry about getting a reputation in my neighborhood. The f buck would have stopped there. With him and me. Period.

Now that there's the internet, and cellphones that shoot video, there are no more secrets. One bad choice, one unfortunate decision, can mark a person for life. Such is the case with the 14 year old girl who was filmed giving oral sex to her ex-boyfriend outside of her school a few days ago. The video went viral, and folks, young and old, have been voicing their opinion about what is in the video.

It's sickening.

Not the video. I haven't seen the video. Don't need to see the video. What's sickening is the way people are joking and playing about this little girl like it's funny. It's sickening that grown folks, knowing what the content of the video is, still feel the need to watch it. It's sickening to read comments from adults saying that the girl, "knew what she was doing", and "is 14 and knows right from wrong".

Really? Do people really think that she knew what she was doing? That she actually understood the chain of events that would follow after that one act? The viral video, her name trending on Twitter, the judgment from people she's never even met, the degradation and humiliation by her peers and folks old enough to be her mama? And I'd bet anything that the boyfriend she was allegedly trying to win back wants nothing to do with her now. Do people really think that her 14 year old brain could even consider any of those consequences? Come on people, grow up!

That day, in my grandparent's kitchen, I made a good decision, but there were times as a teenager when I didn't. Times when peer pressure was just...a lot. Times when I didn't think something through all the way. Times when I didn't think at all. I was a child. Just like this girl. I may not have been making the same type of unfortunate choices as she made, but I did make some wrong moves. Fortunately, I had adults around who were willing to teach me how to be better without judging me for the missteps that I had made. And that's what all of our young people need...adults that they can trust who are willing to stay in their grown up lane and not judge and not joke, but guide and support.

I don't care what anyone says. A 14 year old is not an adult. But for those of us that are, we need to act like it.

My BFF - A Haiku

2011-10-18T10:38:00.004-04:00

Thirty years apart.

But alike in many ways.

Best friends forever.

Make Something Monday - A Donation

2011-10-17T16:19:00.003-04:00

It's Make Something Monday, and today, I made a donation. Last year, I wrote about my friend Regina who is living with lupus. It's a debilitating disease that attacks her organs, but that doesn't stop the self-proclaimed "Hug Bug" from doing the things she loves to do. In addition to living life to the fullest, Regina also devotes a lot of her time educating others about lupus, and advocating on behalf of those suffering from the disease.

This year, like every year, Regina is raising funds for the Annual Lupus Loop 5K Run & 2.5K Walk. Participating in the walk is a great way to show support and help raise money for continued research for a cure.

Did you make something this week that you'd like to share? Share a link in the comments or on the Mama Knows It All facebook page. If you didn't make anything,and you'd like to, say, make a donation to Regina's Marching Warriors...click here!

Worries - A Haiku

2011-10-11T15:42:00.003-04:00

Here's to tomorrow.
Put my worries in a box.
Dreaming them away.

Make Something Monday Preview - Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies!

2011-10-10T19:16:00.004-04:00

Lately, my weekdays have been kind of...blah. With the season changing and the days getting shorter earlier, I need to do something to get me through the rough spot until the holidays come and everything is glittery and sparkly again. We have a little over 6 weeks until Thanksgiving, and every Monday, until then, to stay inspired and keep spirits up, I'm going to MAKE SOMETHING. Maybe I'll cook something, maybe it'll be a craft, I might make a decision...whatever I make, it's going to be positive and fun and inspiring to me, and hopefully to some of you.

I'd love for you to join me! Just share your post (or picture if you'd prefer) here or on the Mama Knows It All Facebook page! As a matter of fact, I have a preview of Make Something Monday over on the MKIA page right now. Ayva and I made Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies! Check it out, and start thinking about what you're going to make next Monday!

Fun Weekend, Bottom Dollar and a GIVEAWAY!

2011-10-07T11:29:00.008-04:00

Oooh weee, this weekend is going to be a good one! After last weekend and my unfortunate illness, Ayva and I need to get out and have some fun. Fortunately, there's a lot to do this weekend, and they all involve our favorite things! Here's our plan for the weekend:

FRIDAY

Ayva's First Birthday Party. Not quite feeling Yo Gabba Gabba.

Thanks to Joey, my girl over at Real Mom in the Media, and fellow iVillage iVoice, we are starting our weekend at the Yo Gabba Gabba concert this afternoon! Ayva has loved Yo Gabba Gabba for years (2 years to be exact), and I am super hype about taking her to her first rock concert!

SATURDAY

Bright, fresh, inexpensive produce. Yes, please!

Do y'all remember when I went to Bottom Dollar Food Market a few months ago? Well, this weekend is their 1 year anniversary celebration in Philadelphia! They are giving away free piggy banks to every customer, Bottom Dollar Food gift cards every hour to random guests, and the store staff will be handing out coupons AND additional gift cards! We're going to head over to pick up some vegetables (and because Ayva LOVES parties!) so that we can test out a new recipe!

SUNDAY

At last year's Fall for the Arts Fest. This year, NO STROLLER!

One of my favorite events in Philly is the Chestnut Hill Fall for the Arts Festival! After church, Ayva and I can take the bus right up to Germantown Avenue and walk up and down looking at the unique crafts that artisans are selling. There's yummy food vendors and performances, and I love running into my friends and neighbors!

What do y'all like doing on the weekend? Leave me a comment letting me know, and one random reader will win a $10 Bottom Dollar Food gift card (can also be used at Food Lion, Bloom, Harvey's and Reid! Giveaway ends Thursday, October 13th at 9:00 PM. Don't forget to leave your email address! Oh, and check out Bottom Dollar's Facebook page, too. For every new like on Saturday, October 8th, they're going to donate $10 to Philabundance up to $10,000! Have a great weekend!

*Disclosure - I received a personal gift card and one to giveaway from Bottom Dollar Food. All opinions are my own. Also, I really, really like Bottom Dollar. They are great for the Philadelphia community. Find out more about what they are doing in Philly here.

The Conversation Thread - How Do You Empower Your Children?

2011-10-05T18:35:00.003-04:00

One thing that I can say about my childhood, regardless of the challenges that I sometimes faced, is that I was often encouraged by the women in my family to be outspoken, creative and independent. I'll never forget when my Aunt Vanessa, not even 10 years older than me, made me feel like Maya Angelou about a little 6 line poem that I wrote when I was in high school. She shared it with her boyfriend at the time (now her husband), and went on and on about how talented I was. Here I am, nearly 20 years later, and I can remember exactly how proud I felt that my beautiful aunt noticed me. And that motivation, that interest in empowering my creative spirit, still carries me today. So, how do you empower your little ones?

Lemonade - A Haiku

2011-10-04T19:41:00.003-04:00

I'd love some feedback from y'all on this one. What's your sugar? I have to remember that my sugar is Ayva, my family and friends, my Terrence...my life.

I've got the lemons.

But can't forget the sugar.

Making lemonade.

Time for Love (inspired by "Carry Yourself Back to Me" by Deborah Reed)

2011-10-04T18:23:00.008-04:00

The thing about love is, no matter the promise of how strong love is, it often isn't tough enough to withstand the challenge of time. Not time, "I will always love you" time, but timing as in, "Dang, is that the love train rolling away?" When the timing is off for love, it very rarely reaches its full potential. Seriously, romantic comedies are my absolute favorites, but years of experience have shown me that romcoms are strictly for entertainment only, and I should not wait for someone to leave their snobby, gorgeous wife at the altar when they realize that, in fact, my moodiness and lack of fashion sense is what they've been waiting their whole life for!

There was one instance, one love that I had, that I thought would actually end up happily ever after. We had so much history, ten years that spanned my teenage years into my early adult life, several states, and actually a couple of continents as well. From the first time we met, we clicked in a weird, comfortable/uncomfortable way. Comfortable because we liked each other so much. Uncomfortable because we were so young...and we liked each other so much. We could never, ever get the timing right, though.

When I was ready, he wasn't. When he was ready, I wasn't. Our back and forth went on for years, each back knocking a little steam off of the next forth. When finally, he broke my heart, and thus, the cycle, I learned more than I ever wanted to know about how important synchronicity is when it comes to love.

But that leads me to today. Well, actually, nearly a year ago, when, for the first time in a long while, I happened to be at the right place at the right time. I went to a conference in Indianapolis, leaving my young toddler daughter for the first time ever. To go to Indianapolis. Not Miami. Not New York City. Indianapolis. And it was there, in that surprisingly beautiful city, mommy guilt working overtime, and boobs hard as rocks because I was still nursing and needed to pump, that I met the man who challenges me to be open to, and make time for love.

Oddly, although we are in different time zones, and we are continuing to get to know and learn each other, and I'm a single mom with a toddler, and he just finished up a master's degree while working full-time, and my job is crazy and his job is crazy and life is...life, the timing couldn't be better. Two years ago, our meeting would have been too soon. Two years from now, our meeting would have been too late. Last fall, in a hotel lobby, at a conference in Indianapolis, the planets aligned and finally, I got my synchronicity. And love.

And it's about time.

Deborah Reed's debut novel Carry Yourself Back to Me follows heartbroken singer-songwriter Annie Walsh as she digs into the past to exonerate her brother from murder. As a member of From Left to Write book club, I received a copy of this book for review. You can read other members posts inspired by Carry Yourself Back to Me on book club day, October 4 at From Left to Write.

Prepped for Success: Tips from Dr. Nicki

2011-09-27T08:07:00.000-04:00

I'm so excited for this guest post from my friend, Dr. Alicia Nicki Washington just in time for Education Nation! It's full of great information, so jump right in!

First, I’d like to thank my friend, Brandi Jeter, for allowing me to guest post. I’m honored to share my insight. While my full-time position is in academia, I’ve had the privilege this year of also teaching middle-school computer science to approximately 120 6^th-8^th grade students at the Howard University Middle School of Mathematics and Science. This has definitely been an eye-opening experience. As a college professor, I usually see the end result of the efforts (good and bad) of not just the students, but more importantly, the parents over the past 12 years. Now, as a middle-school instructor, I am witnessing the development of students at a much earlier age, an age where, if properly exposed, fostered, and encouraged, students can excel academically in the future.

So how do we ensure that, once a student reaches me, he/she is academically prepared for the undergraduate experience? When do we begin preparing students? I’ve authored a few books for students and parents on preparing for the college admissions process and successfully completing their degree. The motivation for both was identical: many students are NOT prepared for college upon matriculation. The U.S. is 11^th in producing college graduates. Could this be part of the reason? I travel across the country speaking to students and parents on how to prepare for and succeed in college. There is always a parent surprised to find there is something they or their child isn’t prepared for. While you may not think this applies to you and your child, the truth is that there is a high likelihood that they may be lacking in some area. The key is being honest, identifying challenges, and then working to address them.

Below are 10 things any parent of a K-12 student can do NOW to help your child be as prepared as possible for college:

Make college an expectation, not an option. By the time I reached my senior year of high school, it wasn’t a question of if I was going to college, but where? From an early age, my parents made it clear that college wasn’t an option. I honestly don’t remember ever considering anything else (other than the time I wanted to be a singer). Whatever it is, let your children know that they are going to school!
Expose them to a variety of schools, subjects, careers, etc. Growing up in the Raleigh-Durham area, I was surrounded by different colleges. I was on the campus of Duke, UNC-Chapel Hill, and North Carolina Central University, among others, for campus for special events, summer camps, and more. Take your child to an event at a local university. Visit the library or student union, or take a self-guided tour. On the next family vacation or trip, try to visit a university campus in the city. The Internet is a powerful resource for learning. Utilize it to learn about different subjects, careers, and schools. Every university has a website. Take a virtual tour, research majors, and map these to subjects and careers that interest your student. Also, be sure to engage your child now in science and math. Science, technology, engineering, and math (STEM) have an abundance of career opportunities, and not enough qualified U.S. citizens to fill them. Exposing and engaging your students early will help them land one of these exciting (and well-paying) career opportunities!
Stay abreast of your child’s academic progress. Most schools have web-based tools for parents to monitor student academic progress throughout the class, including every graded homework, project, quiz, and test. While I’m glad this wasn’t around when I was in school, I definitely understand the need for it. Imagine my amazement when I encounter parents of students who don’t use this to monitor their child’s progress. Somehow it’s always a surprise when the end-of-year grades arrive as well. Knowing that the parent is monitoring their work always seems to keep students motivated to do well academically.
Hold your child accountable. Every semester, I have at least one student who failed my class because he/she didn’t attend class, never submitted an assignment, and failed every test. Astonishingly, this same student somehow manages to explain this to his/her parents in a way that makes me liable. Thankfully, the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA) prevents me from entertaining phone calls or emails from parents unless written permission is granted by the student (which usually comes under duress). Begin holding your student accountable NOW for his/her academic performance. Once they are away from home, you won’t have to worry about encountering the same unfortunate circumstance.
Don’t make excuses for your child. I’ve heard students of all ages say “I’m not good at math.” “I don’t do well on standardized tests.” Many times, parents say the same thing. I hate hearing this. You or your child may not perform well currently. However, it’s not because he/she can’t. It’s because you’ve made an excuse for mediocrity. The mind is a muscle. Just like any other muscle, it requires training to perform better. Even Michael Jordan was cut from his high-school basketball team. Just like the best athlete, he trained his body until his skills developed. The same must apply to coursework. Practice makes perfect!
Make sure you AND your student read daily. A new part of my blog includes “Middle School Jewels,” things that I find interesting, funny, or even disturbing about the things I hear my middle-school students discuss. It’s no surprise a lot of their conversation is influenced by music and television. I’ve never heard one student discuss reading the newspaper. Reading is one of the best ways to build vocabulary. The only way to do so is to read any and everything. If you don’t already, subscribe to a local or national newspaper. You and your child should read (age-appropriate) material daily. This helps to not only build their vocabulary, but also make the knowledgeable of current and important issues and events.
Go over your child’s homework daily. One thing I HATED about my mom as a teenager was that I had to go over my homework EVERY NIGHT with her. If I didn’t have homework, I had to explain what I did in class, including notes I took and material read. I didn’t understand what she was doing, but later realized she was forcing me to understand what I learned. If I could explain it to her (which I later learned she rarely had a clue about), then she at least knew I was studying, checking my work before I reviewed it with her, and prepared for the next class.
Spend your summers wisely. This is a problem I still find many high-school and college students falling victim to. While the summer is a break for many students, it should not be a break from learning, building your skills, and exploring new options. There are a variety of summer camps and workshops for students of all ages (through universities, non-profits, etc.) that are designed to expose students to different subjects and careers. Research these and enroll your child early, so that they are better able to identify subjects, majors, and careers that interest them. For high-school students, these also look good on their resumes and college applications.
Start college-prep activities early. If your child is a high-school senior and you are just beginning the admissions process, then you are WAY behind. The truth is that you should begin some part of the college-prep process as early as middle school. Students make career/major decisions in the 8^th grade. Starting early will help your child explore more opportunities and ensure they complete all necessary courses (i.e. science, math, foreign language, etc.) to successfully enter an undergraduate program with no hiccups.
Teach your child about appreciating differences and conflict resolution. I added this in light of two recent events. First, the death of a Bowie State University student at the hands of her roommate, over a fight regarding loud music. Second, the recent suicide of a New York teenager who was cyber-bullied for being different. We all learned the golden rule in kindergarten. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Everyone is special. I blame television and music for this new generation of students who think it is ok to put once-considered private information on Facebook, YouTube, and Twitter for the world to see, or for thinking the way to resolve conflict is through violence or threats. What most children don’t understand is that, even if it’s protected, private, or password-enabled, once you put something on the Internet, it’s there forever, and it IS in fact accessible. Discuss conflict resolution, cyber-bullying, etc. with your kids, so that we can avoid these all-too-common and tragic events these parents endured.
Whether you attended college or not, you can begin to prepare your child using these steps. As a college professor (and child of parents who followed these steps), I can honestly tell you it will make a world of difference in not only your child’s academic development, but social, mental, and emotional as well. Thanks again Brandi for the opportunity to step on my soapbox for a while, and thanks to each of you taking time to read and share this information. Charge on!

Dr. Alicia Nicki Washington is an Associate Professor in the Systems and Computer Science Department at Howard University and the author of “Prepped for Success: What Every Parent Should Know About the College Application Process.”. She was the 2000 valedictorian of Johnson C. Smith University, receiving a B.S. in computer science. She received a M.S. and Ph.D. from NC State University in 2002 and 2005, respectively, becoming the first African-American female Ph.D. in computer science from the university, and the first Johnson C. Smith computer science graduate to obtain a Ph.D.

Her new book, “Stay Prepped: How to Succeed in College (and Enjoy the Experience)" will be released this fall. More information on Dr. Washington and her work is available at www.preppedforsuccess.com. She can be reached at nicki@preppedforsuccess.com.

Snobs and Sluts (inspired by Stacy Schiff's "Cleopatra")

2011-09-26T22:40:00.005-04:00

There's something about a strong, confident woman that puts people on edge. Perhaps the strength of these women forces them to reflect on their own weakness, or maybe it's just good old fashioned hatin', but whatever it is, women who are powerful and/or talented often find that they have to justify themselves against folks who want to diminish who they are. Intelligent women with high standards are snobs, an assertive woman is a bitch, a sexy woman is a slut. It doesn't matter your credentials, your experience, your area of expertise, there's a word or phrase out there that can knock you right off of your high horse and put you back in your place.

The sad thing is, it's not always men perpetuating these judgements against women, it's often women doing it against each other. When Hilary Clinton was running for President, the first woman EVER who had a real fighting chance, folks were more concerned about her lack of fashion sense rather than her political platform. Oh, and what about female athletes? Male athletes are revered and idolized while the women are put down, ignored, or overly sexualized (hello, Serena Williams). We never even get the chance to know, really know, the achievements of so many great women because we are so focused on the fluff.

This has been happening for years, though, so maybe we should be used to it. I mean, Cleopatra was the ruler of Egypt as a teenager, but most of us just know her as being a temptress, a Lolita who seduced Caesar and used her sexuality to get what she wanted. Because, she couldn't have been, you know, intelligent, and used her brains to be a political success. Look, y'all, maybe we can't change the world, and we sure can't change history, but one thing we can do is educate ourselves about the REAL DEAL when it comes to women and women's history, and make sure we are teaching our daughters (and sons, but especially daughters) the truth about the contribution of women to our world in order to ensure we get our place in history...right at the bottom, holding everything up.

In Cleopatra: A Life, Stacy Schiff digs into the history books to share with us who the true Cleopatra was. As a member of From Left to Write book club, I received a copy of this book for review. You can read other members posts inspired by Cleopatra: A Life on book club day, September 27 at From Left to Write.

Outside - A Haiku

2011-09-26T14:25:00.005-04:00

This week is a big week in a lot of ways. Not only am I participating in NBC's Education Nation Summit in New York City with the rest of my iVillage iVoices sisters, it's also Take A Child Outside Week. This week, parents are encouraged to turn off the television and engage their students in the great outdoors. You don't have to have a special event or an itinerary, just take a walk around the block, sit on the porch and blow bubbles, eat dinner at the playground...whatever you do, just do it outside. Oh, and Moms? No cheating...don't forget to turn off your cell phones, leave your laptops in the house, and play!

Big smiles and fresh air.

What better reason to play?

Time to go outside!

Heartbreaking Free Love

2011-09-25T14:56:00.002-04:00

*Disclosure - This post is mushy. I'm away from Ayva for 2 days. I'm experiencing mommy guilt for a number of reasons. You've been warned.

For the last several night/weeks, Ayva has been sleeping in my bed. The Queen size that is just the right size for me is suddenly reduced to a twin when the long, spindly legs of a tall toddler takes over most of the space and offers me just a sliver of mattress. The threat of falling off looms nightly.

Last night, as she fell asleep next to me, I looked at her sweet little face, and my heart ached at how much I love her. The stress of trying to keep it all together from day to day, sometimes has me rushing so much, that I forget to look. I don’t really see. When I do, when my vision is clear, and my racing thoughts take a break, and I get a chance to take in the bundle of energy that is my Ayva, I’m blown away by God’s creation. I mean, how else could it be possible that I experience a smile that simultaneously feels like I’m looking in a mirror and standing in the sunshine. Moms, you know that I’m not exaggerating. This love is like that. It’s physical, and you feel it in the center, the absolute core of your heart.

Loving someone so deeply and completely may seem incredibly bonding, but in fact, it’s the complete opposite. My love for Ayva makes me feel free. It’s freeing, because I have a reason to succeed that is greater than myself. I have to win. Losing is not an option. Failing is NOT an option.

So, today, as I sit in New York City, representing with my iVillage iVoices at Education Nation, I try to assuage my mommy guilt of being away from Ayva with the thought that I’m doing this for her. For us. To be an example and a role model. And if one day, she looks at me and is even a tiny bit as inspired by me as I am by her, then my job will be done.

Kmart Halloween, Candy Corn and Bees

2011-09-24T09:34:00.008-04:00

Last year, Ayva was a ladybug. This year she'll be a bee. If only all bees were so cute!

This year is a year of firsts in a lot of ways. Since moving into a house that is large enough to invite guests over, we've had our first party and our first cookout, and in a few weeks, we are going to have our first costume party! I'm really excited, and Ayva is even more excited than I am! We went to shop the Kmart Halloween section at one of our favorite stores and pick up a few things to make our house look nice and festive!

Since Ayva is a toddler, and I'm a scaredy cat, we are steering away from all things spooky, but that's not a problem, since Kmart has many, many options for the season. Some of the things I fell in love with were a set of serving dishes shaped like candy corn...super cute, and a candle that looks like a candy jar filled with candy corn. Are you sensing a theme here? Yeah, we're going with a candy corn/pumpkin theme. Sweet, right? See what else we loved when we went shopping at Kmart.

If you're going out this weekend, you can take advantage of this week's Halloween sales at Kmart. I was able to get 20% off of Ayva's costume, jack-o-lanterns, and cute party decor, including a tablecloth, paper goods, lights...and yes, the candy corn serving dishes and candle! Oh, and all season, be sure to check out the Monster Bash Contest on Kmart's Facebook page and enter to win gift cards every week...$5000 in prices in all!

Costumes
20% Off All Children's and Teen Costumes.Offer valid in all stores. No coupon required.
Decor
$10 OFF All Halloween Licensed Porch Greeters, plus 25% off All Halloween Licensed Décor. Offer valid in all stores. No coupon required.
Candy
Buy two get one free Mars singles
$2.99 Paper napkins
$3.99 Paper plates
2 for $3 Little Debbie Fall Cakes
2 for $6 Lay’s chips
10 for $10 Beverages
20% off Smart Sense cookies or cracker
2 for $3 Snacks
2 for $5 Hershey’s candy

*Disclosure - This shop was compensated as part of a social shopper insight study by Collective Bias. All opinions are my own.

Maintaining My Vision. Literally. #NutritionPossible

2011-09-23T10:47:00.010-04:00

There were a lot of things that I knew to expect before my daughter was born. People warned me about the boobs sagging. They talked to me about the never flat again belly. They shared tales of sleepless nights that led to dark circles under the eyes, low energy and the days I'd be too tired to breathe. Yeah, I had a regular bunch of Helpful Helen's to prep me for my little bundle of joy. The one thing they didn't warn me about, was the fact that my perfect vision would slowly begin to fail me, and in addition to carseats and teddy bears that I'd also be purchasing...glasses.

Yes, that's right, I'm a four eyed mama. My diminishing vision came on pretty suddenly. One day I was watching television, and realized that I couldn't really see. Weird. Then I started having headaches. Really weird. So, I went to the optometrist and thought they were playing a cruel joke on me. No, seriously, I did. When I was taking the eye test, I asked the optometrist if she could adjust the viewfinder thingy because the vision chart was really blurry and I couldn't make anything out of my left eye. When she told me that it wasn't a joke, the vision chart was blurry because of my eyesight, I realized I had a problem.

I was prescribed glasses, and wear them semi-frequently, but as with everything about my health, if I can do something to make the situation just a little bit better, I will, and I've started to by taking Centrum Specialist supplements for Vision. I never even knew that I could take a supplement to promote eye health, but now that I do, I'm totally willing to try it. I went to Walmart to purchase the supplements, have been taking them for 3 days. So far, I don't see a difference, but I'm sure I will, in one way or another. The supplements are a multivitamin but are enhanced with Lutein and Zeaxanthin for vision, so I can take them instead of my multivitamin every other day.

Y'all know I love supplements, and you know I'm trying to eat better, so this is just another step in my work towards doing those things. Centrum has a new line of enhanced complete multivitamins. The vision supplement is one, but there's also Fruits & Veggies, Prenatal, Heart, and even a Probiotic! Find out more about the new ProNutrients and Specialist nutrients on Centrum's site, or follow the hashtag #NutritionPossible on Twitter for real life stories from people who are taking the supplements. Oh, and if you'd like to try them out for yourself, like Centrum on Facebook and get a $3 coupon, or head to the Centrum website for more coupon options.

I can't wait to see (pun intended!) how the supplements work for me. If my vision doesn't slide anymore, I'll take that as a victory!

*Disclosure - This shop has been compensated as part of a social shopper insights study by Collective Bias. All opinions are my own.

Too Cute - A Haiku

2011-09-20T09:09:00.006-04:00

Too cute for words.

I wish that I could stop time.
And pause at toddler.

Advice to Single Men

2011-09-20T08:00:00.001-04:00

This is an open letter to single men. Not that any of them are reading my blog, but I'm counting on you, Ladies, to spread the word and help our brothers out. Look, girlfriends, we have each other. We have self-help books and sister circles...shoot, I even got an email the other day advising me on what men are looking for in a wife. I'm getting help delivered straight to me in my inbox! Men have...each other. Just kidding. Kind of.

Alright, so after hearing yet another single man tell me that he's ready to settle down but can't find "the right one", I decided to call in the troops...all of the beautiful and accomplished women in my universe, to help articulate to men what it is that might be holding them back from finding that perfect somebody.

Here's some of what they said:

"Don't go for looks only! Someone you wouldn't check out on the street could be the one who will make you laugh and smile everyday!"
-Jeanne

"Be willing to be vulnerable, willing to let your guard down enough to take that chance. Willing to be honest about how they feel and why. I think that act alone would narrow the field all in of itself. Yes, it can be difficult and can go against the natural order of what they are conditioned to believe about dating, but it's a great place to start him AND her."
-Kelita

"You won't find it if you're looking for it. Especially looking too hard."
- Claire

"The AAA= Acknowledge, Accept, Appreciate yourself, others and your wants. For starters though...smile, take off the mask and be your true, real self and treat those you meet as individuals (rather than generalizing all women are the same)."
-Traci

"Understand that you can't get confidence and self-worth from someone else; you have to find it for yourself."
-Lori

"Sometimes nice guys try too hard. When it gets down to it, girls don't really like dogs, but they do like the chase. When the nice guys make themselves 100% available, it makes them less desirable. Rather than TRYING to find a new girl, spend time in group situations doing interesting things...pick up a new hobby or sport, volunteer, learn a new trade, attend conferences, become busy. Also, by being busy, you automatically won't be 100% available to obsess once you do find that girl."
-Melody

I would also like to add, stop saying that you're a good guy, learn to listen, and get to know women as individuals. Oh, and not every woman wants a teddy bear or Bath and Body Works lotion for her birthday. I'm just saying.

See what else I'm saying in this video, and chime in below. What advice do you have for single men?

Sharing My Toys - Searching for Colorforms

2011-09-19T09:27:00.009-04:00

When I was a young child, I loved to play pretend. Often the only child at my grandparents house, I got used to playing by myself, and my imagination certainly got a workout as I created stories and situations to keep myself occupied. It was a great time, really, and I don't ever remember being bored.

Now, I'm amazed to see Ayva demonstrating that same ability to play alone and use her creativity to create fun for herself. It doesn't matter if she has an item to pretend with or if she's miming whatever it is she needs to make her story complete, at 2 years old, she is already showing herself to be quite the little storyteller. I'm super excited about that, I mean, who wouldn't be. Creative children grow into innovative adults, and I want to make sure I'm encouraging that creativity, not just by playing with her, but by providing her with books, toys and experiences that give her the fuel for her imagination's fire.

I was recently reminded of Colorforms in the Collective Bias community that I'm a part of. I used to LOVE Colorforms! You all know them...the little laminated scenes with stickers that you could place on the scene and then remove to create different situations for the included paper dolls. The stickers never seemed to stop sticking, and I remember playing with the same set over and over again. They were perfect for making up stories. As I was moving or placing stickers, I remember sitting on the floor speaking for the dolls and talking about what they were doing or thinking. Think, felt boards, but stickers.

Ayva and I went to Walmart to see if we could find a Colorforms set. Although Walmart had a ton of toys to choose from at the 3 Walmart stores that we visited, we couldn't find any Colorforms! Fortunately, we found a Fancy Nancy Dress Up Colorforms set at Walmart.com for only $9.97, and it was eligible for Site to Store, so I'll get it in a few days and not have to pay shipping! I can't wait to see how much Ayva enjoys making up stories with Fancy Nancy and all of her fancy jewelry and stickers. I'm looking forward to lots and lots of fancy stories!

Okay, while I wait for our set to get to our Walmart, let me know what your favorite childhood toy or game was. Do you remember Colorforms? Did you used to play with them? Come on...take a trip down memory lane with me!

*Disclosure - This shop was compensated as part of a social shopper's insight study by Collective Bias (#cbias). All opinions are my own.

3D Living- A Haiku (and a post)

2011-09-13T10:02:00.007-04:00

For the last few weeks, Ayva and I have been unplugged. We haven't watched television in 3 weeks. I'll admit, this wasn't a decision based on some scientific knowledge based on the effects of television on young children, although research does suggest that exposure to the "boob tube" has lots of negative effects. My decision was based on the fact that cable is so darn high, and with tumbling classes, an upcoming trip to a wedding, and the holidays, something had to go. Cable (and thus, television) was an easy choice.

Here's the thing about unplugging...it actually doesn't suck. Ayva, always precocious and expressive, is becoming even more so, exercising her creativity a lot more nowadays, playing pretend, using her craft materials to design awesome artwork, and even making suggestions for things she'd like us to do together outside of the house, i.e. "Mom, let's go to the playground, I think.", "Mom, let's blow bubbles, I think." I'm baking (!!!), cooking dinner every night, and getting to bed at a reasonable hour every night.

I love television, don't get me wrong. Love it. I even like shows like Blue's Clues and The Fresh Beat Band for Ayva. They're fun and educational, and both she and I enjoy them. The thing about it, though, is that those shows can be a special treat. Every once in awhile, I can pop them into the DVD player, and she can watch an episode...and then get back to coloring, reading, making necklaces, or whatever else she can imagine!

3D Living

It's time to unplug.

Let's go play, dance and explore.

Living in 3D.

Bantu Knot Twist Out Tutorial

2011-09-12T12:38:00.004-04:00

The other week when I wrote about what I learned from my bantu knot twist out, I didn't realize the popularity of the phrase, "bantu knot twist out". According to my blog's stats, though, it's very popular, and I hate to disappoint the naturalistas who stumble upon my site because they want to do a new style, so, here it is, a bantu knot twist out tutorial!

The Conversation Thread - Does Your Child Bore You?

2011-09-07T11:51:00.003-04:00

I love playing with Ayva. We play blocks, dolls, and dress up. We color, play with the felt board and have tea parties. We paint, cook, and blow bubbles. We read books, play cards and shoot hoops. We...you get the idea. With Ayva being an only child, and with me being a single mom, we are each other's best friends and #1 playmates. So, do I ever get bored playing with her? Well...take a look at the newest episode of The Conversation Thread on iVillage and find out!

Don't Blink - A Haiku

2011-09-06T16:29:00.003-04:00

I'm afraid to blink.

I don't want to miss a thing.

Ayva's growing up.

Sell Yourself. Get a Promotion.

2011-09-06T11:42:00.003-04:00

When the fall approaches, and the leaves start to change colors, a lot of folks use this time as an opportunity to make changes in their lives. Whether it’s starting back to school, or looking for a new job, something about the crisp, fresh air often makes us crave something new. Last year around this time, I wanted…more. In my personal life, in my professional life, I was well rested from the summer, and I was ready to step my game up. I approached my organization about a promotion, and for 2 months, worked, pushed and advocated to make it happen.

It doesn’t matter if you are a teacher, a businessman, or a cashier…you are responsible for your own success. You have to think of yourself as an entrepreneur, even if you’re working for someone else. Your career is your business, and you are the sole-proprietor. I learned the hard way that I can’t just sit back and let my work speak for itself. I have to promote myself, market myself, yes, even sell myself. Well, sell my work. You get what I’m saying.

Now I’m ready to expand my “business”, take my career up another notch, so I got a little bit of advice. Karla Trotman from Belly Button Boutique encouraged me to “pull the trigger.” My friend David Hoxter told me to keep learning and educating myself, and HR Director, Kim Alexander stressed the importance of being in control of, and owning my career.

What are your tips for moving up to the next level? Check out my latest iVoices report for your own motivation, and then let me know what you think!

Welcome to Our Porch! #gliddengallons

2011-09-05T12:41:00.015-04:00

Our porch...after!!

A little over a week ago, I set off on my first DIY mission...to makeover my front porch with Glidden Paint and Walmart. Well, I'm happy to report that I am no longer a painting newbie, and our porch looks FABULOUS! I'll admit, I had a lot of help. My brother has done this before, and was my advisor, as well as my tall guy when I needed something high painted! Not only that, I had a lot of help because I used Glidden Brilliance 2n1 Paint+Primer. I didn't realize how much extra work I would have had to do if I had to prime all of the areas first until my brother explained what the process would have been if we didn't have the 2n1!

This project came with a lot of lessons learned. The first lesson is that a gallon of paint goes a loooong way! To paint the pillars on the porch, the bannister, and the door, window and porch frame, I thought I'd use way more than one gallon of the Glidden Brilliance White paint that I purchased. The first day of painting, I filled 2 paint trays up, one for me and one for my brother. That day, we put nearly a whole tray full of paint back into the paint container!

The other thing I learned is that it's helpful when starting a painting project to have several sizes/types of paint brushes and rollers available. I started with several brushes, but needed a roller to paint higher, wider areas. A trip to Walmart to get a roller (and an extender) was the solution, but it would have saved some time to have all of that stuff in the beginning.

Finally, I learned that, when it comes to DIY, sometimes the plan changes! The flower pots and flag that I purchased before I started my porch makeover seemed like a really good idea, but after the painting was done and the porch started coming together, they didn't really look the way I wanted them to look. They weren't doing our paint job any justice! I took one of the flower pots back and purchased bird feeders and a wind chime, and instead of hanging the flag, I put it in the yard. Hey, it's not what I planned, but it looks great!

My neighbors have already been complimenting us on our porch makeover, and one of my neighbors that lives 2 doors down (and ~~has~~ had the best looking porch on the block) just said that it our porch looks really, really good! I'm so pleased that we have a fancy porch to relax on just in time for the fall weather! If you're ever in the neighborhood, make sure you stop by. Just look for the bright white paint and listen for the wind chimes!

Our porch before

What a difference a fresh coat of bright white paint makes!
My brother was able to paint the entire frame!

This pillar got a new life, y'all!

Just a few final touches.

Ayva has been a big help with this makeover!

Done! We'll add some mums to the pots in the front later this week!

*Disclosure - This shop has been compensated as part of a social shoppers insight study by Collective Bias. All opinions are my own.

Too Pretty To Be Stupid

2011-09-02T09:26:00.007-04:00

My daughter is beautiful. She has bright eyes, adorable dimples, and a twinkling smile. Oh, she's pretty alright, but even now, at 2 years old, when I'm informed daily by strangers about how much of a heartbreaker she'll be, I can assure you, without a doubt, that my child will never, NEVER, be too pretty for homework.

Earlier this week, moms all over the internet put up their dukes when it was discovered that JCPenneys was selling a shirt for girls that declared the wearer was, "Too Pretty For Homework So My Brother Has To Do It For Me." Oh, no they didn't! We are living in an age where girls and women are thriving in the STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Mathematics) field. Women are entrepreneurs and CEO's, and we're doing a bang up job balancing work, life and everything in between. In fact, just a few months ago, girls excelled in every category in the first Google Science Fair. And you want me to let my daughter wear a shirt that says she's too pretty for homework? JCPenney's, please.

I believe that women have come a long way in our quest to be considered intellectual equals to men. Everyone from marketers to the media are starting to come around to fully recognize the contributions women make to society. Our opinions are sought after, our advice is being asked, and when we speak, folks are paying attention. Yet, in the middle of all of this growth, we are reminded that we still have a ways to go. We can't stop moving forward, can't stop encouraging our girls to reach their fullest potential, because there is still an element present that thrives (profits, even) from categorizing and limiting (or promoting) us based on looks.

Fortunately, JCPenney's got the message and removed the shirt from its stock and issued an apoplogy to the public. The good thing is that we can use this as a teachable moment for our young women. There's nothing wrong with being pretty. But there is nothing cute about being dumb. So, do your homework.

Life = Book - A Haiku

2011-08-30T15:20:00.003-04:00

I'm turning the page.
Starting a new life chapter.
Filling up my book.

Tuning In To My Feelings - Stream Of Consciousness Sunday

2011-08-28T22:04:00.005-04:00

Growing up as the oldest child, I spent a lot of time taking care of other people. From my younger siblings, to my young parents, I grew very adept at compromise and making others around me feel comfortable. I've been doing that for so long, giving in, giving more, that I hadn't realized how truly uncomfortable I have been.

Lately, I've been tuning in to my feelings. Allowing myself to not be okay with being uncomfortable, being just as upfront and uncompromising as some of the people around me. It's not easy. I mean, I've been this way for thirty plus years, but I'm ready for a change. I'm done being everyone's "person". Have exciting news and you want someone to give you a genuinely, excited response and be truly happy for you...call Brandi. Not feeling good and need someone to motivate you...call Brandi. Upset about something and need someone to dump on...call Brandi. (That one really sucks.)

Not anymore. I'm exhausted, I'm darn near depressed and I don't have it in me to make folks feel comfortable. I'm doing a lot of work to become my best self. A LOT. And what sense does it make for me to do all of this work so that I can only be good for other people? I'll tell you what sense it makes, none.

Mama's Front Porch Makeover! #gliddengallons

2011-08-25T17:16:00.009-04:00

Entertaining on our front porch. Usually involves bubbles.

Last winter, when Ayva and I moved into our house, it was so cold outside that I couldn't imagine sitting and relaxing on the front porch. Now that we've gone through the spring, and we're just about done with the summer, our porch is absolutely a meeting place! We've had Ayva's birthday party, and many cookouts, and regardless of where we start, everyone always ends up on the porch! With all of these celebrations (and many more to come), we need to get our porch in order. Fortunately, I have the opportunity to makeover my porch with Glidden Paint!

Oh, yes, just in time for the fall, I'm taking on my first ever DIY project, and I couldn't be more excited. A fresh coat of bright, White Glidden 2N1 Paint + Primer Brilliance Paint on the pillars, window and door frames, updated light fixture, and colorful autumn decor...my neighbors are going to have to step their game up when I'm done!

I live in the city, and porches are kind of a big deal, here. In neighborhoods all across Philadelphia, folks love to sit on their porches in the evening and catch up with neighbors who pass by. You know, kind of like Twitter. But in person. Sitting on the porch, writing posts or reading while Ayva blows bubbles has been how I have gotten to know the people who live in my neighborhood. I can't wait until our makeover is done so that we can continue celebrating, creating community, and enjoying life on our beautiful porch!

We're going to paint these pillars and the bannister.

A coat of paint around the window will look amazing!

A new light fixture and fresh paint will make the door pop!

I'll make sure to come back next week and show you how our porch has been transformed! Until then, take a look at my thismoment shop to see what I saw when I went to Walmart to purchase my Glidden Paint, and then let me know what your front porch looks like!

Disclosure: This shop has been compensated as part of a social shoppers insight study by #CollectiveBias. All opinions are my own.